One of my favorite posts on my blog  is 100 Things I love. It’s so important to never forget all the good things, of which there are so many. I have been having some very dark days, but I know that everything is going to be okay. I will get through it, and I will come out of this better than ever. This I know. I have to trust that whatever has happened, happened for my greatest good. In the meantime, there are so many good things to focus on. Let’s  start with 100 …

  1. Walking barefoot in the grass
  2. My job. Yep, completely true. I may complain at times, but I know that this is one of my greatest blessings.
  3. The Owl and the Pussycat — something that my grandfather used to read me.
  4. Knowing undoubtedly, that no matter what cruelty there exists, that it is outweighed by kindness. Not just a by a little, but exponentially.
  5. When it’s raining, but I’m dry and cozy.
  6. Binge watching a really excellent series on Netflix. GLOW is my drug of choice at the moment. It’s fun and frivolous with lots of cool songs from the 80s.
  7. Fridays
  8. Making choices from a place of love rather than fear.
  9. Art that makes me feel something
  10. Grilled cheese sandwiches: that moment when you cut it in half and pull the two pieces apart, watching the cheese stretch.
  11. Kind shoulders to cry on for those days that u need one.
  12. Pay checks
  13. When a man holds the door open for me.
  14. Plane journeys
  15. A good conversation. It’s an art. So many people are surprisingly under skilled in it.
  16. The Classic Gateway Theater in Ft Lauderdale, in all its retro chic glory.Screen Shot 2017-08-05 at 10.57.27 AM
  17. When people have a smile in their voice. I wonder if there is a word for that. There should be.
  18. When I get recognition for something I did right at work.
  19. Birthday cake
  20. Accessories, especially shoes. They don’t care if my ass looks less than ideal.
  21. Adventures
  22. Treating myself to an overpriced goodie “just because”
  23. When someone gives me their undivided attention
  24. Leaving my comfort zone and proving to myself I am capable and stronger than I knew
  25. Having choices
  26. Calling in sick from work and going to the mall
  27. Skeletor memes (perhaps you’ve noticed)61564192
  28. When you realize that life goes on despite losing that person who you didn’t think you could live with out.
  29. Smiles from strangers and being brave enough to smile back (for shy people, sometimes this does require bravery).
  30. The Kindness Rock Project. I learned about this from one of my customers. I thought it was such a beautiful concept. I’d love to find one, and I’m inspired to make a few. 
  31. My new friend MJ. I don’t meet friends that often, so our new friendship is very special to me. We have so much in common. She is Birdy’s brother’s widow.  I simply adore her. 
  32. Old friends, the ones that stick around and stand the test of time.
  33. Blackened grouper tacos by the water at Jimbo’s Sandbar
  34. The feeling of hope.
  35. Instagram: if you are not following me, what are you waiting for?
  36. When goodies come in the mail
  37. Knowing “I can handle it.” That never used to be the case.
  38. Generosity of spirit
  39. Moments of synchronicity
  40. Chris Rock. I saw him at The HardRock in March. I think he is one of the funniest comedians out there.
  41. Sitting outside on the porch reading a good book or flipping through a magazine
  42. Days when I go shopping and lots of cool clothes fit me … and I have the money to buy them.
  43. The Law of Attraction
  44. Being brave
  45. Letting go
  46. Conversations so enthralling that you don’t even notice the passage of time
  47. Rago shapewear: it hides a multitude of sins. Muffin tops are now a thing of the past. They may not appeal to everyone’s taste lookswise, but these put Spanx to shame.
  48. When the tables turn and you are now in the position of power …. Soooo yummy! 
  49. When I can get away with being a slacker
  50. Gifts with purchase
  51. Authentic connections
  52. Standing up for myself
  53. Fantasizing about my next epic binge Untitled
  54. French toast at the Landmarc in New York
  55. When someone makes me smile so much that I feel like my face is going to crack
  56. The moments when I feel my power, and a secret smile comes over me.
  57. Ice cream sundaes at uber cute The Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale, AZ.
  58. Getting a bargain on something gorgeous. Did I ever tell you that I am a bargain hunting goddess?!?! Yep. Totally true.
  59. Laundry when it is fresh from the drier. It’s clean and warm and it smells so good.
  60. Nice colleagues, it makes the day go by so much better. I’ve been so completely blessed in this department
  61. Florence + the Machine. Florence is a queen.
  62. Getting lost and finding wonderful places in the process. 
  63. My Fitbit. It changed the way I live. I do tons of walking now, I get out into the sunshine, and it even inspired me to start taking vitamins now that I’m going to be all healthy and shit.
  64. Being in a position to give
  65. Uplifting quotes, I collect them.963af50b626ee0bf58bcb455a3cfde0e
  66. I recently discovered the awesomeness that is Carla Harris. The woman is a powerhouse. She has such good, strong, positive energy. She talks a lot about business, but I find that her pearls of wisdom can be used for a lot more than  climbing the corporate ladder.
  67. Getting my hair done at a fancy salon.
  68. The Guerrilla Girls
  69. Overpriced candles for bubble bath experiences
  70. Those who are brave enough to dream despite having fallen
  71. Feather blankets, one day I shall have one.
  72. Alphonso mangoes — unfortunately not something I’ve ever seen in the US, but it is probably the most Devine fruit I’ve ever tasted.
  73. People who genuinely want to see you do well in life.
  74. Paintings by Edward Hopper — especially his paintings of women.f56e83ede92a459ec8823934fa812bc3
  75. Listening to my horoscope (sometimes I refer to it as my “horrorscope.”) I’m not sure if I believe it, but it sure is amusing to me.
  76. Handsome man candy
  77. Decluttering: my room, my heart, and my head.
  78. Celebrating my birthday in Paris this year with my very dear friend.
  79. Layering my face in tons of $800 face creme at the duty free shop in Paris before returning home on my flight back to America. I’m so naughty … but my skin looked great and hydrated, so not sorry.
  80. Ladybugs
  81. Robert Indiana’s love sculptures. I look for them whenever I travel somewhere new.Screen Shot 2017-08-05 at 10.51.11 AM
  82. That feeling I get when I know I’ve helped someone.
  83. Ralph Smart / Infinite Waters
  84. Moments when I am wrapped in perfect peace
  85. Sing Street, a great movie. 
  86. Butterflies: I asked the Universe for a sign, and she returned me the butterfly I asked to see. Since then I’ve been seeing quite a few. Tons actually.
  87. Bookstores
  88. Airline credit: enough to book a mini getaway to NYC methinks! Fingers are itchy to book my next adventure. This time I think I might explore Brooklyn a little.
  89. Carb loading — and no, I’m not an athlete. I’m just a piggy.
  90. Writing in my gratitude journal.
  91. Kind gestures: making them and receiving them.
  92. When someone from afar reached out to me to remind me that they still have my back.
  93. Seeing the Eiffel Tower glitter in the dark. It’s nothing short of magic.c15bb630ba0733c7685d578f83d7bd4d--eiffel-tower-lights-eiffel-towers
  94. Being able to extract the beautiful memories from my past relationships and learning to focus on those good parts. Inside the pain, you can always find some beauty if you look hard enough.
  95.  Yoga. I used to do it when I lived in London, and now I’m taking it up again. I did my first yoga class yesterday. 
  96. Constantly coming closer to the core of my authenticity. With every year that passes, I become more and more myself, and I really love who that person is.
  97. Jim Carey. Not because he is funny, but because of this
  98. I was issued a corporate credit card … wow, like I’m a business woman or something! I wonder if I’ll get the chance to use it.
  99. Those intrinsic things about individuals that make us unique. They are our special gifts that can never be stolen.
  100. Love

There is so much to love. I am making myself ready to be able to love even more. That’s partly why I exist I think: to love, to appreciate and take joy in all these wonderful things, and then to discover even more to love. I can think of nothing better. Truly.

What do you love? I invite all my readers to take up this challenge with me and name 100 things that you love too. You would be surprised by the magic that results. I genuinely believe if we are greatful, we attract more things to be greatful for. It’s basic Law of Attraction daaahlings, and this stuff works. Send me a link so I can check yours out if you decide to do a list of your own.

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Thank you to all my readers who left me such beautiful comments. You guys remind me that I am not without my blessings. Nobody has sweeter, more well intentioned readers than I do. Some of your words offered me comfort, some offered inspiration, and some were the kick in the ass I probably needed, telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on (nobody’s exact words– I’m just paraphrasing).

The night things ended, I just hurt so much. My face was very swollen and pained from all the crying I did. In the morning I felt a lot better (though still sad), and with that relief came some clarity: the door to Birdy’s heart is a closed one. It’s no shocking revelation dollies. I am not completely clueless. I guess I was hoping that could change. I was hoping he would see how amazing I am and decide to let me in. Well, I guess that was pretty dumb. I have no excuses to make, so I won’t even attempt it. It is what it is.

I don’t want to wallow in my suffering. Life is short, and quite frankly, I’m fucking tired of the hurt. Just once, I want the feeling of being loved just as much as I love. I want to feel safe with someone and valued. I hate what I feel now, that familiar feeling of abandonment, and knowing that I just wasn’t good enough to stick around for. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of that sickly mix of anxiety and wanting that makes me want to vomit. 

I remember how I felt when I did my “Birthday Challenge” a while back. I think it helped me tremendously.  I dropped out of the romance race for a while. During that time I did my best to feed myself with good thoughts and a bit of self love (some days were more successful than others, as I’m sure will be the case this time around too). I’m going to do that again. It was a very productive time. With the encouragement of someone I love very dearly, I came up with another challenge, similar to the old one, but this one will be more lengthy. During that time, I will not make any attempt to talk to any guys. No Birdy, no dating websites. I am just going to try to focus on feeling good and accomplishing a few personal goals. Should Birdy contact me during that time… I don’t know. I’ll cross that bridge if I get there. 

In the past I have used men to medicate myself so that I don’t have to sit in my loneliness and feel my feelings (not sex, but the euphoria of feeling cared for — or dare I say “loved” — I always found the attention of someone I admired to be positively exhilarating). I spent most of my life suffering from this feeling that I am always on the outside looking in. I have this desperate desire to feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself. For a brief moment surrounded by Birdy and his incredibly wonderful family, I felt part of something, and it was positively delicious. My heart felt so satisfied…. and now it’s gone. Well I guess it’s time to make friends with the emptiness that lives inside of me. I’ve been living with her for a very long time, might as well shake hands and get to know each other. We are so intimate, yet I am always trying to hide her from my own consciousness. I know there is a great lesson to be learned here … but ugh, I’m not sure I’m looking forward to the process.

I end this post with something I heard Gabrielle Bernstein say on YouTube. She advised that when you are overcome with fear and anxiety of the unknown to say this little prayer:

“I choose to see hope in this, and I’m open to creative possibilities.”

I’m going to do just that (because I don’t know what else to do).

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I think Birdy is gone. We had a fight. You see sometimes I get in a bad mood when I don’t hear from Birdy in a while. I feel excluded, and like I don’t matter much to him. It hurts me deeply at times.  A girlfriend told me that I should confront him, that these are things that really need to be addressed. I knew the timing was bad. Birdy is still grieving the loss of his brother. I decided to do it anyway. It did not go well. In fact, I think it’s over (again). I am devastated. Fuck!!! I am just so inherently unloveable. My husband didn’t love me (he told me so). Napoleon abandoned me and is just some stranger that I used to know, and now Birdy. All of them accused me of the same thing: being needy. I am so hurt. I’m also angry and ashamed. Maybe I need to stop reaching out to people. Maybe I should just stop trying. 

I don’t feel very hopeful anymore. I used to hope against hope that love was out there for me. I  thought I was a good person, and that the Universe would reward me with love. I used to quote to myself from the Alchemist:

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

But I don’t feel like the Universe is conspiring in my favor right now. I’ve had my chances, and I’ve failed royally. Every. Single. Time.

I have nothing to offer anymore. I’m not young,  beautiful, rich, or smart. I don’t even have a car. I’m a fucking looser … and I’m needy to boot.

I don’t even want to exist anymore. What for?

I don’t remember if I mentioned it on my blog, but I keep a gratitude journal. It’s not a journal per se, it’s an app. Every day I try to write at least three things I’m thankful for. On a good day, I can have loads of entries. On a bad day, it can be hard to think of even one. Why do I keep a gratitude journal? Well, I once read that if you do something for 28 days it becomes a habit. I wanted to make it a habit to see the good in life. We are so trained to detail all the negative aspects of our day while taking the good things for granted. I don’t want to do that. I wanted to train my brain to do the opposite. I’ve been doing this more than 28 days, I think it’s closer to a year now, and I know that this practice has helped me greatly. I’d recommend this to anyone and everyone.

I think my gratitude journal really sums up my experience in Paris, so I thought I would share my entries with you.

Day 1

  • The Universe most definitely has my back. I am so blessed to have such an amazing friend to share this adventure with.
  • Our apartment is completely lovely. Crazy Kat and I are staying in such a perfect location in Saint-Germain-des-Prés , my favorite part of Paris. We each have our own bathroom, and a tiny little kitchen that has everything we need. I love the details: the little cubby holes, the little Hobbit door on the ground floor near the entryway, the wood beamed ceilings, and the little pillow on the couch with the gentleman wolf smoking a cigarette (note: we later found the pillow at a store, and each took one home a souvenir).

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  • We had a delicious dinner at a place that has always been on my radar, but I had completely forgotten about: Le Relais de l’Entrecôte. They only serve one dinner item, steak frites, and they do it so right. I love the secret sauce!
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Le Relais de l’Entrecôte, steak frites. Photo is from the website. In my pictures, the special sauce was terribly unphotogenic, but this picture does it justice, so voilà.

Day 2

  • Waking up in Paris on my birthday. How lucky am I?
  • Pierre Herme‘s Ispahan croissants. This is what I want to be the last thing I eat before I die. They are that amazing, truly unsurpassed.

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Breakfast is served. Are you feeling the love???
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The money shot.

  • My mother called to wish me a happy birthday.
  • I found a few space invaders.
  • I had my birthday dinner at my favorite restaurant in the world: Benoit. This was truly special for me. There was a time when I thought I’d never get to go again, well here I am, and it was truly as fabulous as I remembered.
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As you look at this pictures, imagine angels singing. That is how glorious this meal was.
  • Walking through the Maris after dinner and stumbling into a gay pride celebration. There was so much good energy. You could feel it.

Day 3

  • Starting my day off with another Ispahan Croissant … okay, two croissants. I’m on vacation so whatevaaaa.
  • Browsing Le Bon Marche and its adjacent foodie super store, La Grande Epicerie
  • The Palais Garnier, the stunning opera house in the center of Paris. It has always been a dream of mine to see a performance there. Today I saw La Cenerentola, an Italian version of Cinderella. It was certainly the most fun and cheeky opera I’ve been to thus far. The music was great, thoroughly entertaining.

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  • Grom gelato and their otherworldly whipped cream.

Day 4

  • Today I was the first customer to walk inside the sliding glass doors of Pierre Herme for my croissants. It’s true love.
  • Buly – an amazing little shop selling beautiful bath and body products and little treats for the home. The store itself is so beautiful, it’s like going back in time — an absolute gem with loads of special treats.

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  • Eating the same chocolates Marie Antoinette ate at Debauve & Gallais, the oldest chocolate shop in Paris.

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  • Tonight Crazy Kat and I had another wonderful meal. This time it was at Cafe Constant. I had the beef stew, which was so tender you could cut the meat with a spoon … and then there were the profiteroles …

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Day 5

  • Breakfast at Angelina and their infamous hot chocolate. There is nothing else like it. It is so thick and rich, but surprisingly not overly sweet. It is like drinking melted chocolate bars.
  • Tracking down more space invaders and catching Invader’s “Hello My Name Is” exhibit at the Musee en Herbe.

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  • Dinner at Laduree on the Champs Elyesee. Nobody does omelettes like the French. It was pure perfection, and the restaurant itself is like sitting in an old fashioned jewelry box.

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  • Seeing the Eiffel Tower glitter. Magic. Pure magic.

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Day 6

  • Scarfing down Ispahan croissants like a boss!
  • Finding some very cool space invader pieces. This one is my favorite of the trip:

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  • Sitting at a cafe at the Place de Vosges waiting for the rain to subside.
  • The famous falafel at L’As du Fallafel.

Day 7

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Le Parc by Gustav Klimt
  • The anticipation of seeing Birdy again when he offered to pick me up from MIA.
  • Having an awesome friend to share this special time with.

Thank you so much Crazy Kat, for everything. You are the best! I had the most wonderful time in Paris. I will never forget it.

Yeah, so you see, the Universe does have my back. For more pictures of this trip, please visit my Instagram page, and do follow me if you are so inclined. 

I found a speaker on YouTube that I really like. Her name is Gabrielle Bernstein, and one of her videos really inspired me. In the video she mentions that it’s good to ask the Universe for signs that you are on the right path. So I did. I wanted a sign that Birdy and I are meant to be (OMG how completely lame am I?!?!).  I asked the Universe to signify this by showing me a butterfly. I got the sign several minutes later on Instagram funny enough. I wasn’t searching for butterflies. This was just in my feed. It was the tenth picture down.

The butterfly came with a message “let go or be dragged.” I am taking this as my sign that Birdy is indeed for me, but if I want him, I need to let go. I need to learn to hold with an open hand. To be present, but to let go of the need to determine the path of our relationship… to just let it be, and to have faith that the Universe (or what I call God) has my back.
I thought about it about it again several hours later. I take what I call “smoking breaks” at work. I don’t smoke, I never smoked a cigarette in my life, it’s just what I call the little 10-15 min breaks I take to get my steps in (my Fitbit has changed my life, for sure). And can you guess what I saw?!?! Yes! A real live butterfly. It was black and yellow, and it gave me the biggest smile. 
I think I am starting to manifest!

Yeah, I know some people might find my belief in Law of Attraction somewhat batshit, but I absolutely do believe in it. Don’t make me chase you down on my unicorn.

I think if life has one big lesson to teach me, it’s the art of letting go. I lost my attachment to most things. I’m not very sentimental about objects the way a lot of women are. Don’t get me wrong, I do adore designer goodies and beautiful treasures … but I know I can be okay without them, and I’m not too fussed if I loose them. Two times in my life, I have purged the majority of my possessions. The first time was when I left to England to get married, and the second time was when I returned to America as a result of my divorce. I came home with only one suitcase… and do you know what? It was okay. I didn’t really miss anything. It was actually incredibly liberating. Who would have guessed?

One aspect of letting go that I still have a lot to learn though, is when letting go has to do with people. When I love someone, I fight tooth and nail. This is what my heart knows how to do. Slowly my brain is catching up though, telling me that you don’t have to fight for love. If you are efforting (a word I learned from watching a lot of Abraham Hicks videos) so hard, something is just wrong.
So I can talk a good game, but am I putting this into practice? Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. For my birthday, I wish to gift myself with this skill (um… and cake, plenty of cake … cake in Paris). How am I going to do that? Well, I just need to immerse myself in it: books, helpful videos on YouTube, and most important — lots and lots of practice.

Okay, time to hop on to my unicorn and get my ass to Paris! Shenanigans await.

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I am panicking a little. Let’s start from the beginning. After Birdy’s brother died, there was a lot of grief and confusion. Birdy was a superstar. I was so proud of him. I always am. He held everyone together, he made arrangements, he comforted his loved ones… he was Birdy. He was awesome. He didn’t really give himself permission to do his own grieving. Yes, he was going through stuff, but it was so contained.
This week, he started back at work. I thought, wow, this is going to be so good for him. He is going to get back into his routine, and life is going to start getting back to normal. Well, obviously I was clueless. What do I know of death? Almost nothing.
Birdy did not handle going back to work well at all. I don’t know all the details. What I do know is that on Tuesday I saw him cry –really cry. That is natural of course, he needs to go through this process. He also started seeing a psychologist, and he is attending appointments quite intensely. I guess this a good thing too. It is brave for a man to admit that he needs help. Brave, and also wise.

So, what’s the problem? I feel like I am walking on egg shells. With all my heart, I would do anything to make things right for him. I want to be there for him and give him comfort, but I am afraid he is finding me claustrophobic, and I am afraid things will start falling apart like a house of cards. You see, Birdy has two sides. There is one side that is really fun and outgoing. He is really at ease being the center of attention, and I think he quite likes it. The other side is very solitary. Sometimes he just likes to be alone and do things by himself. The problem is, I never know which side of the coin I’m dealing with. This means that I don’t ever really know what to do or how to act. Should I cuddle him and tell him how much he means to me? Should I constantly make myself available and send loving texts? OR should I back off???
I guess what really panicked me is a conversation I had with a friend. She told me not to be surprised if he starts lashing out a bit. In times of grief, people can say very hurtful things. Brirdy hasn’t done this to me, but I have been trying to mentally brace myself for that (and possibly even him breaking up with me again).

I have done what comes natural to me, which is to be there. I believe I said all the right things, they are things that came from my heart – basically that I love him, and that all I want to do is be there for him. If I was in his situation, I think this is what I would want someone to do for me. But he is not me. He needs time to process – and maybe, that processing is something that would happen easier if I am not making a nuisance of myself. I don’t know. My heart just wants to help. What’s making things worse is that I’m starting to obsess… that’s never a good thing. It compounds the problem.
It just so happens that I have this awesome trip to Paris coming up. Despite all my handmade drama, I am so super excited. I haven’t been to Paris in ages. I have fun plans and ideas (not to mention fat pants for all the eating I’ll probably do). I leave Thursday, and I guess I’ll be out of the picture for a good 10 days or so. I’m sure that will be good for both of us. In the meantime, I have to be smart. I can’t let any of my own darkness to come out and make things worse.

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Ah the existential angst I create…

I have a confession to make. Part of the reason I haven’t written in so long is because I didn’t want to admit that I am seeing Birdy again. His treatment of me in the past, or I should say his lack of treatment, left much to be desired. I was very hurt by the way he broke up with me. I adored him. Truly and absolutely. I developed a love for him that was not dependent on romantic declarations or constant contact, it just WAS … until the day he broke up with me. Actually I still adored him, but I just gave up. I felt that I had lost my dignity in his eyes. If a man can’t give you dignity, then love and respect are surely out of the question. I let go.I did not attempt to make any contact with him, and I did not waver on that. So unlike me really. I always wear my heart on my sleeve, but this time I felt too exposed, I felt shame. I kept to myself as an act of self preservation.

Two months later he got in touch with me. Things did not go back to where they left off exactly. I didn’t become some kind of emotional  powerhouse and Birdy did not offer any declarations of undying love, but nor do I think I was a doormat. There are improvements. Birdy refers to me as his girlfriend now, not his friend. That feels good. And for the first time this week, after I told him I loved him, he actually said “I love you too.” It felt amazing. Maybe he was tired and delirious LOL.

Last Sunday Birdy’s brother committed suicide. I won’t get into the nitty gritty. It’s not my place. Needless to say, his family is inconsolable. Birdy wanted me by his side during what was probably one of the biggest trials of his life. I got to see another side of him. I saw a combination of strength, vulnerability, and immeasurable kindness — and my love for him grew deeper. Friends and family kept coming in and out of his parents’ home, and each time I was introduced I felt the most incredible sense of pride to be introduced as Birdy’s  girlfriend.

Want to hear something wired? Amongst all the faces, I even met one of his ex girlfriends. She came to pay her respects to his family. It was a potentially very awkward situation. The idea of it made me very insecure. Funny enough, she was awesome. We chatted and got along super well. She is the type of girl I would love to have as my own friend. In a situation where I initially felt kind of threatened, I stepped up. I was myself, I was genuine, and I was really proud of myself for not letting my insecurities take over. Test passed.

So why, I wonder, am I suffering from raging self doubt and vulnerability? I have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, this feeling that I’m not good enough, and that feeling is growing. The truth is I don’t feel pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, worthy enough. I know he had a lot of girlfriends in the past… and why not? He is single, handsome, successful, smart (I could go on forever). But the point is that there is a little voice inside my head that tells me that I could never compete with the type of women I imagine he has gone out with. In my head I imagine gorgeous young super model type creatures. I am not that. I am fairly pretty, but I’m considered kind of mousy and shy by most people who meet me. In my heart I know I’m a diamond, but for some reason, I don’t shine as bright as cubic zirconia. Does he see me for the woman I am? Or does he see the mouse

I know it takes a king to recognize a queen. I know if he can’t see the light inside me, that it is him who isn’t worthy. I know I am purposely agitating myself for no reason. I know that I am tired and frustrated, and actually kind of angry. Why angry? I’m angry that people don’t see me for who I really am, and angry that I feel overlooked and underestimated. If there is one time and one person who I want to recognize me, the time is now, and the man is Birdy.

I should be deliriously happy, he said the magic words. So why do I feel like I won minor battle in a much larger war? 

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In all honesty my Washington DC trip didn’t get off to the greatest start. I misread my flight time, and my hotel reservation got completely messed up — they overbooked and put me in a place that I really didn’t like at all — a place that reminded me of an old age home. I was not amused, not even a teeny.  This unfortunate error had a very fortunate result, however. After my little hissy fit on their customer service line, Hotels.com put me up at the Fairmont Hotel in Georgetown. I have always wanted to stay at a Fairmont hotel, but these days it is not in my price range. It’s basically a $500 a night hotel that I got to stay at at my original hotel’s rate (which is about a third of the cost). Can I just tell you, the Fairmont is gooooood. Totally plush, big rooms, amazing shower, awesome toiletries — I loved the Le Labo 31 rose scented goodies. (As an aside, don’t you think fab toiletries make traveling so much more fun?!?! It should be absolutely de rigueur.) I didn’t get to my room till 2am, and I was cranky, but I was cranky in a very luxurious bathrobe and I have to say, I did smell pretty awesome. I slathered that rosey goodness all over my disgruntled self, and it did work a bit of magic. In the morning, it felt so nice to wake up in that gorgeous bed. I felt like a queen. I did good. 

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As I was staying in Georgetown, I spent that first day exploring the area. Georgetown is basically a really sweet place for shopping.  Very picturesque. There are lots of cute little stores, darling homes, and food treats. Imagine my surprise to even come across a Dean & Deluca there. I didn’t really buy anything. I just enjoyed strolling around, putting an occasional souvenir in my belly, and photographing some pretty blooms. After the previous night I wasn’t really in the mood for anything else. Moi was tired.

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I think it could be fun living in one of these, don’t you?

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Baklava donut… eat one.

Now I should probably mention that I abhor politics and am not very interested in American history. I certainly didn’t visit D.C. to see that geriatric Cheeto who has become our president *quelle horreur*! So why did I chose to go? Well, it is our nation’s capitol, but more than that, there are actually two reasons: Cherry Blossom Festival and the Smithsonian. I did see many beautiful and robust cherry blossom trees, but I gather that they are usually much more abundant than they were this year. There was a big cold snap that killed off a lot of the blooms. This didn’t really dampen anything for me though. I wouldn’t have known that though if I was not told. I also had no previous experiences to  compare it to.  As an added bonus, I also got to see fireworks display marking the end of the season. That was fun. I do adore fireworks.

Yeah, I was there for the cherry blossoms and to see some art. There was an exhibit I really wanted to go to: Yoyoi Kusama’s Infinity Mirrors. I am totally fascinated by her and her work. I witnessed one of her pieces in Arizona and I was kind of blown away. Unfortunately, I was not able to score tickets. It is not that it was expensive, it was free actually. It’s just that it was sort of a lottery. If you couldn’t get online tickets (which I couldn’t) you had to wait on a line. I got there a half hour before the exhibit opened and the line was batshit. I asked the woman at the front how long she had been there. Her reply? 5 AM! WTF?!? You would think it was the second coming of Jesus. No, sorry. That’s just dumb.

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It may not look like much, but standing in one of those rooms is an amazing experience. The rooms feel like they have no end and no beginning, and the lights give it a very ethereal quality. I know the exhibition is going somewhere else after DC, perhaps I will make a trip. Kusama’s infinity rooms are so unique and otherworldly.

I did however, get to see her Pumpkin sculpture which was sitting outside the museum. Not as impressive, but still kind of cool in it’s own right.

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Another cool sculpture I found was a Robert India piece. I seem to be collecting photos of these wherever I go. I have two from NY, one from AZ,  and one from New Orleans. I know somewhere there is one in Miami. Got to add that one to my collection.

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I saw loads of art, not to mention Julia Child’s kitchen! The best thing I saw, however was this piece by Wayne Thiebaud, one of my favorite artists, featuring one of my very favorite subjects: cake. When I got my first computer, many years ago, this was the wallpaper. Seeing it in person was very special for me. How delicious it was to see it in it’s full sized glory with it’s deeply rich texture.

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A closer look. Are you feeling this or what?

Speaking of delicious, let’s talk food, shall we? I ate at a couple of really nice places while in D.C., but I won’t bore you with all the details. There was one standout, and it was truly one of the most savory delicious things I ever put in my mouth. That, my dears, was the positively succulent, melt-in-the-mouth lamb ribs at a place called Tail Up Goat. Oh. My. God. Total and complete mouthgasm. I am not sure how to describe this for you. The meat was meltingly tender and savory, but it is also accompanied by touches of sweet fig and the brightness of yogurt and grilled lemon. Want to go to DC? Go for this:

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My honest impression of DC. I liked it, and I’m glad I went, but now that I’ve been there, it’s out of my system, and I don’t feel that I’ll have the urge to revisit.  When it was time to go, I was ready to go. The place just doesn’t have the siren’s call for me in the way that New York or New Orleans does. For me it was more of a “been there, done that” sort of a place. If you go, I highly recommend going when I did, towards the end of Cherry Blossom Festival. The weather was perfection and the blooms were out. I saw great art, I stayed at a fabulous hotel. But best of all, I ate those lamb ribs. I recommend you do the same.