I’ve had a tough week. Thank god it’s Friday. My soon to be ex husband (aka Dr Man-whore) is trying to go back on his financial agreement. My only recourse is to fight him, and that means more lawyer fees. I am scared to death that when this is all over I won’t be left with anything. How am I going to rebuild when all this is over if there is nothing left to rebuild with? It is dire.
Thursday I was involved in a car accident, which was really scary and freaked the sh*t out of me. My back hurts a little, but my sister (who was driving) and I are okay. Her car is really messed up though. I am upset for her. She loves her car. Her accident would never have happened if she wasn’t helping to drop me off. I feel responsible.
On top of that I’m trying to cope with breaking up with my Napoleon. I loved that man. He says we will stay best friends; but oh how my heart hurts. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry for him like some silly teenager. Every day I send him a million texts, begging him to reconsider. I am embarrassing myself. The rejection is crushing. I genuinely thought he was my forever. I guess I was wrong. Having to close that door on all of the wonderful dreams I had for us hurts my heart more than you can imagine.
I have a hard time keeping it together (I am often found crying my eyes out in the bathroom), but somehow I must. It’s just me against the world now. I need to brush my depression aside. These feelings of grief and abandonment need to be swept under the carpet for now so that I can muster enough of my wits to save myself.
Music is helping. I downloaded some really kick ass songs that I listen to when I feel tearful or I’m about to embarrass myself by turning to someone who doesn’t want to hear from me. I am learning to turn my hurt into anger. It feels better than feeling sad. It feels more powerful. I need to find that strength that’s buried down somewhere so deep and forgotten. I know it exists because I remember seeing it so many years ago. I’m tired of being depressed. I don’t want to spend my life as a victim.
On that note, it’s Friday. F everyone. F all the tears and the sleepless nights. I want to get happy. I need a laugh. Maybe you do too.
Let’s get excited daaaahlings! It’s Friday after all.








I hope you guys are laughing a bit, or at least maybe have a teeny smile on your face. Yes, I have the oddest sense of humor of probably any blogger you’re going to come across, but that’s what makes me Caroline. Have a wonderful weekend and allow yourself to smile at the preposterous.It starts with the little things.
Best of luck to you!
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I am sorry to hear about the accident and I hope you are having a wonderful weekend. Loved this post, full of optimism and good thoughts 🙂
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Definitely smiling. Thank you. Laughter (unless it is at people) is ALWAYS good. And my sense of humour is often blacker than night. And fortunately blacker than my worst depressions so far as well.
I am so sorry about the accident – and grateful that you and your sister are ok.
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I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s a mutha for ya, alright. BUT it will pass. It’ll take time but you’re gonna be so much better than you ever were. Trust that.
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Thank God for Fridays. For some reason, that particular day helps a bit.
One day at a time. One minute at a time. That’s how I TRY to live. xxxxxxxxxxxx
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