Finding Myself… in NYC

One thing I love about being a big city, despite how I may sometimes feel,  is being reminded that I'm not alone.  Every single person has a story, and one day, I will find the the one who carries the pages that I am missing.
One thing I love about being a big city, despite how I may sometimes feel, is being reminded that I’m not alone. Every single person has a story, and one day, I will find the the one who carries the pages that I am missing.

With the drudgery of work, and the stress of my divorce (yes, I’m divorced but the legal stuff is far from over), its so easy too loose myself. I don’t want to forget who I am. Because I mainly write about my feelings associated with my divorce, and my struggle to feel human again, you might not know certain things about me. Vital things… the things that make me who I am. So let me start by saying that behind my mild-mannered exterior, I am a hugely passionate person. I am a dreamer, an idealist, I am a lover of art in all of its forms. Food is my passion, and New York City is my boyfriend. Why New York City? It’s the one place in all of the US where I feel my beloved musses live in their highest concentration.  It is the ultimate urban jungle, it is the place where I was born, and it is the place that I feel most alive.

Before I became a divorcee, before I got kicked out of my beloved home, I was a person. A person with hopes, dreams, and passions. Where has she gone? Somehow she got lost under a tremendous weight of pain and loss (and work *shudder*)… but she is still there, and I’m going to do anything I can to find her. My goal, amdist this next portion of my life, is to rediscover myself. Once I do, I plan to recreate myself from the ground up to create a version of me that was even more fabulous than before. I’m not, after all the same person. I’ve been through nothing short of a war, and I’ve come home changed. There is no reason, however, that I have to come back as less. No, I haven’t lost anything that lives inside of me, I’ve gained things actually: a worldliness,  a greater ability to empathize with kindness, a certain protective detatchment, and a tiny fighting spirt that I have only just rediscovered like an old but very welcomed friend. Right now that tiny spirt is an ember, but I hope to fan it into an eternal flame… it could happen LOL, why not? There is no place where I feel I will be able to do that with greater successes than in NYC. And no, I’m not moving, I’ve just booked my next holiday. I plan to go during the first week of July. I’m going to see the fireworks… and maybe become one in the process. Booking this holiday is really the first special thing I’ve really done for myself since I moved to this country. It is my 40th birthday present to myself. I plan for this to be the first of many holidays that I take.  Now that I’m in America again, there are a couple of trips I’ve been thinking about. I want to go to New Orleans, explore parts of Miami, go to the Smythosnian and see the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington DC… but NYC will always be be my man–the one I always go back to. I plan to make that pilgrimage once a year. I don’t think I’ll be taking any European holidays anytime in the near future, and oh, how I will miss Paris! But I refuse to lay down and die… not just yet…

8 Comments

  1. My older son is living in NY, actually Brooklyn, but works in lower Manhattan at a museum and a coffee shop. He LOVES it! Not sure he will ever leave. I’m sure your boyfriend misses you! We were there about a week ago (and it was SO cold) and will be back in a week. We love visiting him there. I don’t mind if he stays even if it is across the country. Have you been to New Orleans before? It is my favorite US city (I think, there are so many to choose from). We leave for Miami on Monday. I love to travel. Welcome back to America! Happy holiday dreaming!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m totally moving to NYC as soon as my son graduates. I’d go tomorrow if his dad would just drop off a cliff. I’ll only be 41 when he graduates (in 2025) so I’ll be young enough to start over and live my dream. I can’t wait to be within the magic of NYC!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. AHHHHHHHH, I love!
    New York will be a perfect boyfriend overflowing w/ museums & art & Woody Allen & delectable food.
    40 will be your transformation into empowerment and strength!!
    Looking forward to hearing more…. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. So I just came across your blog. Lots of power and good vibes to you! As for New York, congrats too! I wish I could say or feel the same, but I’ve been living in New York for way too long and the first thing I do when I have a chance is to get the hell away from here. Lucky for those who live somewhere else, they still get the love bug about this city. For the rest of us stuck here, it’s over rated.

    HOWEVER, I shall not steal your thunder. It is certainly a place to come and visit once in a while. I miss it when I’m not here, so that says something about the city.

    Liked by 1 person

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