Sometimes it’s easy for me to get upset and overwhelmed. Pettyness and cruelty offend me quite deeply. My tolerance isn’t what it used to be. Yesterday my bitchy manager at work decided to “write me up” (what am I, five years old?) for texting at my desk. I’m told next time I’m going to get fired. “Stupid cow,” I want to yell, “I have eaten dinners that cost more than your weekly salary, how dare you.” And then I remember that I actually need my shitty job, that I’m poor now. But what kind of woman does that to another woman? She knows I’m a divorcee with a meager salary. Yeah, it takes a special woman to want to take the food off another woman’s table, and that kind of woman deserves a special place… in hell. Damn, I’ve come a long way from being a doctor’s wife. Remembering that, well it kind of hurts sometimes. Amidst my frustration, when I got to the safety of the lunch room, I could feel the heat engulfing my face… and then, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit, the tears came. Feelings of shame (of my new status in life) mixed with feeling kind of sorry for myself, and anger: those emotions settled in my eyes, and rolled out as tears.
What is a girl to do when everything is gone? I’ll tell you the answer. It’s something I have been training myself to do. Some days I have more success at it than others.
The trick is this: love the little things. Without trying to get all religious on you guys, let me just say that I believe in God. I feel that God scattered beauty and goodness all over the world, but we become blind to those blessings. We just get so wrapped up in the crap. So what exactly am I talking about? I’m talking about the way the sun feels when it warms your skin, a beautiful flower or a pretty bird, the peace of a hot cup of tea, the way that art and poetry had the power to lift the human spirit. There is so much beauty out there my lovelies. It is ours if only we choose to grab it. It’s there if you’ve got loads of money or if you don’t have two pennies to rub together. You just need to train your eye to look for those things: a kind smile from a stranger, some sweet words from a friend, a chubby pink cheeked child with grubby hands… the list is a mile long. Just look for it. I feel like these are God’s signs that everything is going to be okay. They are out there. Find them. Grab them. Recognize them for what they are. And when your boss is giving you shit an you feel low and a bit scared, take those things out of your memory box in your head and know that you will get through this. And you will get through it. What other choice is there?
And now, my lovelies, join me in giving my supervisor the one fingered salute! Just because I keep my mouth shut at work, does not mean I can’t handle some lame bitch. I invented bitchcraft daaahling.