Are some women just not loveable?

What is it about me?  I mean, actually I think I know. It’s my neediness, and my clingy nature. I don’t really want to be this way, but it’s who I am. I guess men sense it in me and they run the other way. They run a mile, sometimes thousands of miles. As time goes by, I am becoming more independent, but this does not seem to make me any less “needy.” And gosh, I have really grown to hate that word. I am starting to come to the conclusion that I am just not loveable. Women love me, but men: no.

I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not. I know I’m a square peg. I like being one … most of the time. All the people who I love and admire had that awful feeling of not belonging too, all of the great artists and poets. But I am no artist or poet, I’m just a stranger in a strange land, wishing for a place to belong. Who knows if that place even exists.

My heart is tired.

Women who are difficult to love, by Warsan Shire


  1. I think we are women who know what love is.

    And most do not. Yet, they outnumber us. They believe that because there are more of them, they’re right. That what we believe is love does not exist.

    But it DOES… because we DO love. With that intensity. Fervor. Absolute and devoted fidelity. We know it’s possible because we live it.

    It’s easier for them to deny than to open themselves that wildly.

    It’s incredibly difficult for us to understand what’s keeping them from such feeling. Why wouldn’t they want this? It’s its own kind of glory.

    So wondrous. And yet… they flee from it. Why?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Why do u think you are needy or clingy? I get a little needy for very specific reasons. When I’m sick, pmsing or with one man it was because I was insecure of his love. I actually laughed when he called me needy because he was love avoidant which CAUSED my neediness. Luckily my H and my exes had never ever mentioned me being needy so I was able to realize I wasn’t the problem. Being passionate, giving n loving is a gift. If any man can’t appreciate n cherish u? Screw em lol. Hugs xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, Caroline what a spectacular poem. Maybe you are a little wild and passionate. You know what? Those men don’t deserve you. They’re scaredy cats. Don’t ever change. This line is something I’ve never heard before but makes perfect, poetic sense: “You can’t make homes out of human beings” Isn’t that what we all want though?

    Liked by 3 people

  4. It’s been said, and said, and said. It is not about us, but them. But why does that not make us feel better??? Because we are not them, we don’t REALLY understand, even though we are told, and we soak it in, we are not like that, so it is such a foreign thing to process.

    I adore the poem, pulls me in such aching ways…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like this song/poem! Wow. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband after watching an episode of Sex and the City. I didn’t watch it all that often, but this episode surely has stuck with me.

    Carrie (one of the main characters) has had yet another relationship crash and burn and corners her former partner for the truth. Why? What was wrong with her? Basically, was she unlovable? His answer to all was that he just wanted things to be easy. She required thought and that was too difficult.

    The story ends with the Carrie recognizing, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.”

    So, girlfriend, let’s go with the term untamed, rather than needy. I am VERY independent and, yet, not. So are you. You go to NYC and take pictures and eat delicious food comfortable with your own company. Untamed.

    I close this near tome with the ever popular quote from Marilyn Monroe ~ “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

    Liked by 4 people

  6. “you can’t make homes out of human beings” Wow, but we want to, don’t we? We want one person to instinctively understand everything about us and accept us and always want to be with us. It is an overwhelming concept. Even if you are difficult to love, even if you insist on connecting with those feelings, it is okay. You know what you need to do to be who you want to be. We are all works in progress. You have the ability to love healthily, embrace it. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I remember being sad when I saw this post in my email… I don’t think it’s possible to be unlovable. And I don’t certainly think you are unlovable. You are witty and fun… how could someone not love that? Are you different? Probably! But that’s a great thing. Makes you unique and special.
    My therapist once told me that we as kids valued ourselves based on our parents view of us. (I’m paraphrasing and keeping it really simple to not bore anyone.) So once we became adults and found partners, these partners became our new mirrors. These are now the people in which we use to help evaluate our worth and determine our self esteem. So when our partner(s) does something to “de-value” us, it makes us feel shitty about ourselves. So, I think – based on knowing a bit now about your marriage and ex bf – that you’ve just had immature and selfish partners and are just going through a rough patch. (As we all do, especially after a tough divorce or having been cheated on!)
    I really have a lot of faith that there’s someone for everyone. And I’ll be damned if you think otherwise! 😉 I think you are doing a fabulous job rebuilding yourself. You are smart and strong…wise people catch on to that. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much ❤️ I have good days and bad days… My bad days can be really bad, where I feel like I’m so strange and out of place. Blogging is one of the only places I can “go” sometimes where I really feel like I’m not alone. Your comment meant a lot to me ☺️💋

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really know what you mean. It’s wonderful to not be judged by a community of people that have been through similar experiences. My bad days take me to dark places as well. just keep fighting and pushing for more good than bad so that bad doesn’t win. 🙂 You ain’t alone, my friend. You have us fellow scorned women to cheer you on! lol! xo

        Liked by 1 person

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