The Thing with Feathers

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As you read this, I am in New York City, hopefully having an awesome time hunting Space Invaders in the freezing cold while eating my weights worth of Levain cookies and Murray’s Bagels. A girl needs to insulate herself with a smidge of blubber when she is exploring the frozen tundra after all. There are museums to visit, department stores to browse, and cakes to eat (yep, cakes with an “s”). This requires plenty of fuel dontcha know. Horrific posts of gluttony are soon to follow, I’m sure. For the next few days, I want to ignore the fact that I am unemployed. I will do my upmost not to let it ruin my time here. I prefer to think about that later. I’ve got plenty of time for that.

I do actually have some news, so here goes….

Valentine’s Day is not my favorite day of the year. While I do love limited edition pink and red boxes of shockingly overpriced chocolates, not to mention flowers, I kind of hate this holiday. I don’t need some glaringly obviously reminder that I am alone. But… I’m not so alone this year. I’ve actually met someone, and I am kind of excited about it. Part of me is really freaked about by even writing about him. Part of me thinks that as soon as I put it in black and white, he is going to be gone in a puff of deliciously scented smoke, but I am ready to air my dirty laundry. I wouldn’t go so far as to call him my boyfriend, I think it would be more accurate to say that we are “seeing each other.” While nobody is perfect, he is pretty freaking close.

I shall state my case:

  • He wears Bond No 9’s Sandalwood … it is dead sexy.
  • He is very handsome. He has the most awesome smile, and I love his dark hair and dark eyes.
  • He is smart – I will never fall for a stupid man. What’s the point of beautiful eyes if there is nothing worthwhile in between them? I have to be able to have an intelligent conversation with a person.
  • He is successful in what he does, but unlike a lot of men, he doesn’t define himself by his profession. I love that. Most doctors define themselves by their title, and they tend to have huge egos. He doesn’t.
  • He is very passionate about certain political issues. He has something of a man crush on Bernie Sanders actually LOL. What I think is great is he doesn’t just talk a lot of s*it, he actually is very politically involved and has even taken part in protests where he risked being arrested for speaking out about his beliefs.
  • We share the same birthday, and his first name is the same as my dad’s name. I don’t know why exactly, but that is significant to me… almost as if someone is trying to give me a sign.
  • What I like best about him is that he has never made me feel as anything less than special. Let’s face facts, I am a 4o year old woman who is living with her mother (text book “old maid” material). I don’t have a car. As of Thursday, we can add the fact that I’m unemployed now too.  Though I think I have some wonderful qualities, sadly, I don’t think any man describe me as a catch. Never once, however, did he ever make me feel  shitty or embarrassed about my situation. He has only treated me with kindness and respect … and that my dears, is priceless.

For the sake of this blog, I shall call him Birdy. Why? Because of he reminds me of this poem.

How much does he like me? Honestly I don’t know. He likes me I’m sure, but I have the feeling that I probably have stronger feelings for him than he has for me. I have pre written this post, and I honestly don’t know if he will even be around when this entry gets published. Why? Because I’m afraid I’m a bit of a train wreck. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to men, and I no longer have the confidence in myself to believe that he will stick around (or why he is there in first place). All I can tell you is that since I’ve been living in America, nobody man has come close to this one. He is something rare and wonderful. I kind of know that I am not the only woman who has thought the same of him. What makes me any better than them? Is it possible that some kind of late Christmas miracle is going to happen where he will be able to see the real me that lives behind all this tarnish? What makes me think I have a snowball’s chance in hell? Hope.

Happy Valentine’s day dollies. I love you.

 

18 Comments

  1. First, I love Peggy is a whore. Fantastic! Second, I’m glad you’re having a great time in New York. Third, and most important, KNOW YOUR WORTH!

    Believe me, I’m in the same position sans living with my mom- yet. That will probably be happening in 2 years. I don’t have a job, I have two teenage kids, and if I even move in with another man I’ll lose my alimony. But you know what? I’m still a good person. I’m a GREAT catch. I was a good wife and I’ll be an excellent girlfriend should I ever decide to get involved with someone again. Who I am and what I can offer in a relationship with someone is not defined by my job or how much money I make. Hell, STBX has a job. He’s also a liar, a cheater, and a coward who has walked away from his kids.

    If that doesn’t give you hope maybe this will. I followed a blog written by a woman whose husband had been murdered by his mistress’s husband. She had no job, five children ages 5 and under, including a 6 week old baby, and was dealing with not only the murder of her husband (and subsequent trial of the accused) but also the revelation he had been cheating on her. She ended up meeting another man less than 3 months later and they were married within another 3-4 months.

    KNOW YOUR WORTH!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh definitely! Did you see my post, Does Anything Make Me Mighty, the other day? It’s so much easier to say it than to believe it but I’m not sure I’ll ever believe it if I don’t say it, ya know? Anyway, have an amazing time with what’s left of your trip!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Since you’re in NY for a foodie/street art adventure I’ll wish you a “Happy Carbs Day”! May you enjoy the search for additional holy grails without guilt 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m on my laptop so can’t do any emojis so I’ll just say them out – clap, heart, smiley face, smiley face with heart eyes, clap, heart. Amazing, don’t let the knocks keep you down, he clearly is a super bright hottie, he knows he got a gem on his hands….at least he better!!! x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am SOOOO happy you met a wonderful and fun guy! And I’m especially thrilled he’s in NYC with you. ❤️

    Your self esteem is on the floor right now. There is a fabulous you that you’ve forgotten about. He sees that and will continue to see your wit and beauty… Continue to have hope and faith. Xoxoxo

    Happy Valentine’s Day! 💘

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You sure do. But more like you DESERVE something good. You deserve so many blessings. Maybe the job thing and other crap is just to make sure you really appreciate all the amazing stuff coming your way. The year is young and it’s the year of the monkey! Woohoo! 🐒🐒🐒

        Liked by 1 person

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