When the stars align in perfect cosmic correctness

Monday was my last day in New York City. It was a day that involved a lot of self reflection. It was a day of cosmic righteousness LOL. Before you decide I’ve gone all evangelical on you,  allow me to explain myself.

Sturgeon and cream cheese on an everything bagel at Murray’s. In my book, it doesn’t get any better.

It started in what for me is one of the happiest places in the world: Murray’s Bagels. There I was, eating my smoked fish sandwich. It was cold out, but I was warm and in a place I adored. I was drinking my hot tea, and like magic it started to snow. It was the first snow I’d seen since leaving London almost two years ago. In the background there was a song I remembered from the 80s, “In A Big Country.” The lyrics to the song could have been the lyrics this chapter of my life.

So take that look out of here, it doesn’t fit you
Because it’s happened doesn’t mean you’ve been discarded
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can’t stay here with every single hope you had shattered
I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime
In a big country, dreams stay with you
Like a lover’s voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive

It was as if all the planets had aligned, and I was having the most perfect New York moment. I swear I couldn’t have choreographed the thing any better. I returned to my hotel, packed, and left to JFK. It was time to go home.

That afternoon I waited an extra two hours for my plane to take off. The snow had caused a disruption. Looking outside I saw a blanket of white, as far as the eyes could see (you’d think it was a Republican rally LOL).

I don’t know what possessed me exactly, maybe it was the boredom? Maybe it was because of the silly dream I had the previous morning. In the dream my ex became a playboy of sorts. He dumped the mistress for a motorcycle riding blond named Chanel (my subconscious obviously does not lack a sense of humor). So, What was the horrible thing I did? Something I promised myself not to do. After several solid months of good behavior, I did the stalker thing. I googled his name.

Low and behold, ten days ago Dr ManWhore filed bankruptcy. It is official public record. What does that mean exactly? Well probably his three fancy Italian motorcycles will be a thing of the past. God he loved his Ducatis; they were his passion. It was hugely expensive hobby: the insurance, the gear, the storage, the whole lifestyle that went with them … I have no doubt his colossus of a Mercedes will be repossessed too. No more exotic breaks or expensive trinkets. No more credit cards. I have no idea about his living situation, but wouldn’t it be poetic justice if he has to move in with his parents (just like me)?

It must have been a long hard fall for a man who defined his success by his accumulation of toys. I did not laugh or smile, but I did feel a mild sense of vindication. I did feel greatful at being able to witness his downfall –even though I really don’t know the specifics. I will never forget what it felt like cowering in the dark on the floor of my sister’s closet in absolute terror. I remember crying hysterically. It was about a month after I came back to America. I didn’t know what would become of me (I still don’t, but I’m getting more okay with that). It was petrifying for a person who always liked to plan even the slightest minutiae of the day in her oversized diary, to have totally lost control. Now, I am guessing he knows what fear feels like too.

It must taste bitter indeed when you are forced to swallow your own medicine. There is a peace that comes when Lady Karma evens the playing field. Yeah, she’s a bitch alright, and that’s why we are friends.



  1. That sounds like the most perfect day ever, only to be completed by Stanley Tucci sweeping into Murrays, taking that fish bagel out of your mouth and kissing you like Cary Grant 😍 Years and years ago rich ran a business (sorry this will be a little bit long winded – cuppa?) anyway he ran a business with a married couple, horrible people. When Richards mother was dying they essentially forced him out of the business. To say it was stressful was a understatement. A few years after we saw they had gone bankrupt, and then divorced – it made the papers and was GLORIOUS. One day I was having breakfast in a cafe in my home town, and who walks in this sleaze, clearly having a business breakfast. 👏🏻 I couldn’t think what to do, or what to say, but I knew I had to do something. And then it came to me, this douche was really vain, regularly turned up to work meetings with burn marks on his forehead from his straighteners. I walked up to their table and said ‘hey rich (another asshole rich who knew!) anyway – hey rich, heard about the bankruptcy. And the divorce…..It’s really showing on your face – and left, my inside was like jelly but I did a little victory dance. You know what they say, cream always rises to the top. You my darling are definitely cream😘😘

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Well we all want to be Grace Kelly cool but sometimes we need a bit of Roseanne Barr – ying to the yang! What a shame you can’t let him know that you know, can’t you send him a dollar, just in case he needs it!? 😈

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you had an awesome time in NYC and snow (if it had to be cold, then yes, gorgeous snow), while you sat in Murray’s eating that sandwich, purely wonderful. Years ago BE was fired from a job. It’s a long long story, but he was run out of there after having done nothing wrong. Locked out of his office and not allowed to pass the security gates. The security guard loved BE so much he actually got out of the booth and gave him a hug as he apologized that he couldn’t let him through. The reasons for the firing were completely unfounded and BE could have sued them, but he chose not to and just walked away with a decent severance package. Our boys were in preschool. From the time of BE’s hiring to his firing, his boss had left the company and his new boss didn’t like BE at all. The new boss was uneducated and had moved up the ranks with a huge chip on his shoulder. He couldn’t wait to get rid of BE. Anyway, since lies were told about BE, it was really difficult to let it all go. It was a very rough time in his life (and therefore our lives), but I encouraged BE to go out on his own. This was 20 years ago this spring. BE has been extremely successful on his own. A couple years after BE was fired, he heard through the grapevine that the old boss (who had fired him) was fired… after having been with the company for decades. BE felt a teeny bit vindicated. THEN, BE was on a plane a couple years later, sitting comfortably in first class, and there was his old boss, passing by him on his way to coach. He gave BE the slightest of evil glances and just kept walking. Fuck yes, Karma can be a real BITCH!!! ❤

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Oh, I like that. I have to admit, I don’ know how I’m going to spin the fact that I got fired into getting someone to hire me. Its something I’m kind of worried about, that its going to be a big black mark. Really, I think I’d like to get into a whole new line of work. The world of finance just isn’t really me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There will be something that is a better fit. And in a job interview/CV situation, get some advice from someone in HR. I know there are ways of dealing with that “black mark” without leaving a terrible stain. A shift to another field is a good way, as you can be honest if questioned, and say it wasn’t a good fit for your skills and personality.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Yessssss!!!! Karmic balance in the world… I love it.

    The only thing that would make it even better is if he was incarcerated and you were the person he had to call as a character witness at his trial and you got to laugh at him in his stupid face. (Sorry, my imagination gets the best of me!) lol!

    Liked by 1 person

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