It wasn’t until around 4 o’clock that I finally got a reply to my email. To Birdy’s credit, what he wrote was very thoughtful and kind. He wrote that he respected me for valuing myself and said some lovely things. He also wrote that at this time in his life, he is not looking for the same things that I am. I felt bruised and sad. More tears were shed (but that’s just how I roll LOL. I’m a terrible crybaby). I will be okay. It’s not like when I found out that the love of my life for 18 years was F’ing half of England. This is child’s play in comparison. Not everybody is going to be a match, and that is okay. I know this.
There are two redeeming things that have come out of this. For the first time that I can remember, I have exited a relationship with my dignity intact. First. Time. Ever. I kid you not. There were no hysterics and no begging. That is a big deal for me. Major. It makes me so proud. I handled this like a boss LOL. Second, I am learning that it is okay and necessary for me to have my needs met. I am learning to demand respect.
I am serious when I said I was done being the doormat. Maybe that A-hole who tried to lowball me with that horrible salary did me a favor by making me angry. I feel like something big was set in motion that day. So much repressed anger came to the surface at that moment, and as a result something has changed inside of me. I feel it. I want to channel those feelings into creating something new and good.
Birdy was not the problem. He was a symptom of a problem. He left as a gentleman, and I respect him for it. I knew my feelings for him were not unfounded. I genuinely think he is a very classy man. He’s just not my man.
I do feel ever so slightly shitty, but I have no doubt that this too shall pass.
Oh hey, you know what I just thought of? I don’t have to shave my legs now LOL!!!! Nobody will know.