Time for a cake break


Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit. We don’t realize how far we’ve come. I am starting to recognize it, as lately I have been coming into contact with a few people whose D-day is painfully fresh.

The other day I met this guy. I have this feeling that we are going to become great friends. He is a foodie, he likes the same music as me, can hold a conversation like nobody’s business, and he is into art … he is also a complete f’ing mess. He is absolutely crippled by his divorce. He was me.

My life is faaaaar from picture perfect. My lovely Birdy has flown away (though I did leave the cage door open), I’m unemployed… blah blah blah, I can’t even be bothered to list all the crap, but if you read me, you know.  But you know what? I’m not the flaming disaster that I used to be. I remember when I started this blog almost two years ago. I hadn’t gotten my first job  yet. I just received a bill from my lawyer in the UK, and I was thrown into utter and complete panic. I had no idea how I was going to pay it. It wasn’t THAT awful, it was just the  straw that broke my back. I felt so violently sick, scared, alone, desperate… you name it. At that moment I wished I was dead. I hid inside my sister’s dark closet and I cried like a wounded animal. My mother had to pry me out. I will never forget it. It was a pain so hard and real you could taste it. I was petrified. I’m guessing you know that feeling too.

These days, it’s a mixed bag. Good days and bad days, but the “bads” are no longer complete meltdowns. I am not that crushed, defeated creature anymore. There is something that comes from surviving the worst pain in your life that changes you. It changes you in a very powerful way. I am not going to pretend that all of the sudden I’m some super strong wonder woman now. I’m not. What I’m saying is that in these bad times, we are forced to prove to ourselves who we are. We are forced to overcome challenges because we have absolutely no other choice. I have found, as I am sure you have, that we are so much more than we ever knew. That weak spine develops a steel core that allows us to stand up again. While our body is adjusting to that foreign object, it is debilitatingly painful. The end result is pretty freaking amazing though. We have scars. You don’t get out of the most brutal battle of your life unscathed. BUT when those scars heal, we are better. We are more cautious and weary, and sometimes we are angry, but we are also strong in a way that we have never been, and we are infinitely more beautiful. We have been through some shit, and guess what? We are still here!

So I guess all that is my way of saying that we deserve some cake and a big fucking party. We have come such a long way. Don’t forget it.


  1. Powerful post! Was smiling while reading it. I have these thoughts often, even if I am far from recovered from all that dark BS, yet. Writing helps a lot.
    Great encouraging post, thanks for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for giving me hope. I’m usually doing fine, not great, but fine; however, I have those days when everything seems to overpower me and my mind starts racing out of control. It’s good to know it gets better. You go have some cake!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember on many occasions over the past two years, BE coming home and telling me that his therapist had given him permission to mourn for the bad times in his life and to give himself a big pat on the back and hug for just frankly making it through and I remember thinking, yeah, sure, but what about me, you asshole? Well, what I have figured out, realized, what not, is that I have permission to give myself a pat on the back and I don’t need a therapist to give me permission and I don’t need a man to validate me. I learned a big lesson, that people are infinitely fallible, and that I am the same strong person I was before his actions temporarily grounded me. I love the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. You are a warrior. We will eat cake together soon! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Caroline

    You are right we do deserve cake and a big fucking party or at the very least some great handbag!!!

    I loved your description of hiding in the closet and your mother pulling you out. You really do need to write a book. Think Nora Ephron and Heartburn. I love your sense of humor and candor. LOL I was there too. Not in the closet but metaphorically hiding under my bed. Although if I could have fit under my bed that’s where you’d have found me. Instead I was in my bed with my covers over my head for DAYS. Days of not bathing or eating or brushing my teeth. There with a stinking tear and salivia soaked pillow. Yes it was the worst of the worst of days. But I/we got through them and I am soooo much better, stronger and smarter than ever before. I was always a force not to be reckoned with but now I’m and even smarter stronger force not to be reckoned with.

    I’ve tried commenting on your previous posts but the stupid blogger that I read your posts on my mobile devices has my password screwed up and I can’t fix it. And I had good stuff to say 😦

    Anyway, I’m sorry about Birdy, but I get it. I’m sorry about the crappy job offer, but I get it. What I’m not sorry about is you have found your anger and that’s a good thing. I think anger is great and too many times we women stuff that shit down. We shouldn’t, anger is the catalyst for change. Big change, good change. And I always say It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on. So get angry and make those changes.

    Indeed you have found a person with whom you can become great friends and who knows….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Do you have a blog? When I click on your name it doesn’t lead me to one?
      You should delete that app from your phone and try downloading it from fresh 🙂 because I love hearing from you!
      I love that saying, “better to be pisses off than pissed on” LOL, I’m going to have to use that one day! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ that you for the encouragement, it means so much to me 😃


      1. I started to blog about a month after DDay 1. So that’s why I’m on that Word something. LOL, Yes. I wrote and wrote and it was all pissed of stream of conscience and possibly could have landed me in jail. I’ve thought about editing it and posting but haven’t. Seriously I did so much crazy stuff on DDay I need to find out what the statute of limitations is in my state! I never knew I had all that in me. I never knew I could be so out of control emotionally and all over the place emotionally as well. I swear NOTHING will ever get to me like that ever again. Unless of course someone does something to my grandchildren.

        Anyway, as crazy as we get it amazes me how many of us turn it around and come out better. Doesn’t make any difference if you divorce or stay in the marriage, all of us learn and grow and become fiercer better versions of our former naive selves. That’s a good thing regardless what the impetus was that gets us there.

        I will delete the app because it’s making me very frustrated.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You totally do have to be careful. Of courses you must write under an alias and have a dedicated blog email. This is my second blog post D day. My ex found the first one and tried to use it against me in court… Horrible stuff.


  5. So true, amiga! You should eat cake and any other confection you choose – metaphorically and literally speaking – for all the crap you’ve dealt with. You’ve come a long way and your reaction to things shows your maturity and new respect for yourself. Xo

    And I’m glad you found a new buddy to share your wisdom with. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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