The Birthday Challenge, Part 2

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Ta da! I did it. Sort of.
In my last post, I told you that on day 30 of 40 I lost my Birthday Challenge when I contacted Birdy. Though I’m not particularly proud of that, I forgive myself. No need to make myself eat any harshmellows in repentance. Thirty days is still a decent amount of time. I’m not kidding when I say that I really did learn a lot from the experience. Today I thought I’d write about those 30 days. They weren’t easy, but they also weren’t as awful as I had imagined.

The thing that surprised me most, is how much more even tempered I became. I won’t say I didn’t have ANY bouts of tears (I’m a terrible crybaby), but I had a lot less. A LOT. My mood wasn’t constantly swinging from despair to elation. I wan’t constantly looking to see if I received a text. I seriously calmed the F down. That was good. Life without a man’s attention was actually okay… most of the time. I had moments where I definitely felt lonely, but  I had way fewer of those episodes. I genuinely did experience the ability to find happiness outside of a man. That was momentous for me. Truly.

With all this newfound time on my hands (no job, and no man to focus on),  I immersed myself in positive thoughts and ideas. I guess you can think of it as brainwashing. I washed myself of a lot of my negativity. How? I watched loads of stuff on YouTube. I watched (and continue to watch) anything from Ted Talks to some new-agey sort of ideas that some of you may find odd, but which really seem to work for me. I can honestly tell you that this has sparked a definite change in my thought processes. I see things with slightly different eyes now. I am a bit more confident, a bit more positive, and a lot more okay. I am hoping this will translate into my relationships with the opposite sex. But its not just about guys…

Just to give you an example, on the day I went for my job interview I was so pumped up with the good vibes I got from watching videos, that I KNOW my interviewers felt it. I’m sure it came across in my smile and my confidence (there are very few times in my life where I exuded confidence, but this was one of them). I know that’s why I got the job. I was positively radiating the good stuff. So I can tell you without doubt, that your thoughts really do become things. If you are able to harness this idea, you tap into something incredibly powerful. If you want to know more about this concept, start googling “Law of Attraction.”

So why did I fail the challenge? I actually wanted to ask Birdy a medical question about something that was really bothering me, but then I couldn’t help myself from telling him that I missed him. I told him about my new job and about T. He was kind and understanding, and the next day he asked me to have dinner with him. It was kind of awesome. He actually texted me when I was writing the post  100 Things I Love. It was about a minute or so after typing “unexpected text messages.” I kid you not. I am dead serious when I say that being in that good vibe zone creates magic. I know it sounds all hippy dippy but I totally believe it.

So, after 30 days, do I think life without men is better? Um… no. Love to me is the best feeling in the world, and the greatest gift us humans get while we are on this earth. The problem is, I have not loved or been loved in a very long time. I get high hopes, I have gotten the initial excitement … and then I have gotten terribly disappointed. I don’t think that will always be the case. I know I have a lot to offer, and that somewhere I will find someone worthy of me. It could be Birdy (and I hope it is), but it also could be someone I have yet to meet. I am open to the possibilities.

My takeaway from all of this is 1) thinking positive can attract positive things and 2) that even though I find life more fun with a man, I can actually be okay without one. It really wasn’t as bad I thought.

18 Comments

  1. I love this. I LOVE your two takeaways, both equally. And this gave me goosebumps: “He actually texted me when I was writing the post 100 Things I Love. It was about a minute or so after typing β€œunexpected text messages.” ” Pretty cool how things are taken care of, huh? πŸ™‚ Hugs – and keep up those positive vibes, I can feel them coming my way, too! Thanks for that πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, that was so wired (in a good way). It just reinforces my belief in the power of the Law of Attraction. I hope I can get really good at it. More than that, it just feels good. According to the LOA, if u feel good and are happy, that’s the indication that you are going down the right path. Hugs ❀️❀️❀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like that. Not sure if it’s related but someone in my support group said if you feel even just a hint bitter about a decision than likely it is not from the Lord. It sounds like you find some sort of an inner peace when you are on that proverbial right path, right?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Caroline
    I cannot tell you how much I enjoy your writing. I may not respond to each of your posts but I truly look forward to them. You are very inspiring and as I’ve said before I love you candor and openess that is so obvious in your writing. I wish I had a real life flesh and blood friend like you. I sooooo desperately need one. So right now I consider you my “cyber-friend” πŸ™‚ Yikes hope that doesn’t sound stalky and weird. Just trying to be honest.

    I watch a lot of YouTube. LOL I love the make up/beauty gurus on there. It’s really just mind candy but it’s relaxing for me. I also watch some videos about narcissists/sociopaths as I have a few in my family (LOL now you know why I need friends πŸ™‚ I’d love to hear some of your recommendations of Ted Talks to watch. A girl can’t live on makeup mind candy videos alone!! I see in your post to Google “Law of Attraction” but maybe you have some in mind to save us the search.

    I think you did good. And I see nothing wrong with contacting Birdy. Maybe you just need to get yourself to the same place of independence he’s obviously at to have a relationship with him? Not sure, but I think you are on the right track, that is if you are interested in my opinion.

    BTW I loved hearing about your NOLA trip. But girl how do you consume all those calories and still stay slim??? So jealous!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You do ha s a real live friend just like me: me ❀️! Email me: totallycaroline@mail.com
      As for my weight, it goes up when I’m on vacation, but most of the time I’m quite strict with myself. I’ll never be supermodel thin, but I’m in a happy place weight wise. At one point in my life I was 50 pounds heavier. That was about 10 years ago. It takes vigilance… But vacations are food safaris for me LOL. I’ll always be a foodie. I can’t go to a new place and not eat all the wonderful goodies. If only I was like a cow… Did u know they have 4 stomachs?!?! Yep, totally true. I learned it in school. Google it LOL. Moo.
      As for law of attraction videos, “the secret” is a basic building block, then there are also people like Louise Hay and Abraham Hicks whose talks I like. I realize some of it might sound a little crazy to someone who isn’t used to it, but the basic idea is so fundamental: being happy and feeling good. If you can reach that mindset (and im a work in progress) there is no end to the good things that can come your way. If makeup videos make u feel good, flood yourself in them. This is all about following what brings you joy so that you feel happy and are receptive to achieving more happiness. Be greedy for happiness 😜
      I always love your comments. Thanks for writing me 😊❀️

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      1. Oh you are so kind. Thank you.

        Actually I don’t thinks it’s kooky or crazy at all. I was raised Christian Scientist and still adhere to many of the beliefs. This kind of metaphysical thinking goes along quite nicely with CS philosophy. Plus I try very hard not to judge what helps others. I have personally experienced many healings. This is NOT to say I don’t go to doctors but I do rely on my spiritual faith! Perhaps you may enjoy some of the Christian Science lectures that are on YouTube as well. As with any faith one takes what they need and leaves the rest right?

        I have a very bad digestive system. I totally quit eating frequently for a day or two. While this does wonders for my weight control, there are times I miss certain foods. But actually since acquiring this malady, which coincidentally coincided with DDays :(, food no long has it’s appeal or hold on me. I do enjoy eating vicariously though and enjoy seeing all the lovely foods you and Kat got to enjoy πŸ™‚

        I have also found that I have evolved into an introvert. I have cut ties with many “friends” that show any kind of negativity. Pre-DDay I let their in-sensitivities pass and gave them the benefit of the doubt. Since I’ve had to eat countless shit sandwiches during reconciliation I literally and figuratively have no stomach for any more from other people. I’m fine with just me and I enjoy my own company, thank God, but sometimes I miss girl friend time 😦 You are so kind to offer your friendship to me. I’m touched.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I only ever lost my appetite twice in my life. Once was when I had pneumonia. The other was Dday. I lost my appetite for about 3-4 months. It came back LOL (as you have seen). When the time is right, you will learn to take pleasure in food again. Start slowly. Like eat a yummy little chocolate and focus on the flavor and how it makes u feel. Mindfulness πŸ˜‰
        Think of it this way: you are a good person. You did nothing wrong. You are allowed to have pleasure, more importantly you SHOULD have pleasure. It’s good to cut yourself off from negative people, but don’t cut yourself off, just be selective 😊❀️❀️❀️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post! Thanks for being my accountability partner. I’ll write you more later, but just wanted to say I love your new direction. I agree, we need to throw expectations of others out the window and focus on our own peace and happiness and everything else will follow. You are a wonderful friend! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did read it. I read it a couple of months after I moved to America. I was at a very low point, and that book really helped me during a time when I needed it most … And then I put the ideas in the back of my mind. Now I am rediscovering those concepts. How did the job interview go?

      Liked by 1 person

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