A different sort of Independence Day

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In my last post I told you that I had plans to see the fireworks with a friend. Plans changed. BS (yes, that is really this person’s initials) is kind of an A-hole. I don’t see BS often, and there is a reason for that. Have you ever spent time with someone, who just drains the life out of you like a blood sucking vampire? It’s kind of like they feed on your goodness only to leave you feeling absolutely deflated. BS is that sort of animal. Sometimes people like that are family members, and we have no choice but to be tolerant and turn the other cheek, but why would someone actually volunteer to spend time with someone like that out of their own free will?

It’s pretty pathetic, but let me just be honest: sometimes I really dread feeling alone and would rather be with a shithead than be on my own. How lousy is that? Yeah, I still have a lot of self-work to do, that much is obvious. BS has this ugly habit of always insulting my religion. I try to shake it off, but BS grabs onto it like a dog with a bone and will not let go. It is just one insult after another, and I can’t help but feeling terribly offended. I tend not to speak up about it. I know that if I do things will get ugly… and then last night I was lying in bed, and I decided, NO, I was not going to let this continue. I texted BS to explain my feelings. BS told me that this is just who they are, and that I have to accept it if I want to hang out. To make a long story short, we parted ways. Apparently I wasn’t a friend enough to deserve any sort of respect. I was only required as a doormat, not as a person with actual thoughts and feelings.

I have nobody to blame but myself for allowing that kind of treatment. Somehow I got used to it, not just with BS, but with a lot of people.  When you get used to something for long enough, it becomes your “normal,” even if it isn’t actually normal at all. In fact, it’s sticking up for myself that feels positively uncomfortable for me. It is unfortunate, but as a little girl, I got picked on a lot. I was the subject of severe bullying, and I know it took a huge toll on me. It really effected my self esteem, even well into adulthood. As a wife, I kept quiet to keep the peace with the in laws. I just wanted to be liked. It didn’t matter what it cost me. It’s strange how I am still battling those old demons today. Some say life keeps throwing us the same lessons over and over again until we learn. Maybe I am learning.

It is highly unlikely that I am going to see the fireworks now. Maybe I might catch a glimpse of light from the porch, but I most certainly did celebrate Independence Day in my own special way. I didn’t feel bad, like I was loosing a friend, I felt like I was getting rid of something very heavy. I love it when I do the right thing LOL. It doesn’t happen every day. Today I gave myself a special kind of independence, and there were no fireworks necessary.

21 Comments

  1. So glad you put an end that “friendship” he/she is clearly lacking in self-awareness. These significant life events from the past linger with us into adulthood. Carl Jung called them Shadows and we all them to varying degrees. I wrote about this topic as I explored my mother’s suicide and how it affected my feelings toward women. The post is really about the psychology (persona, phobia, Shadows, counter phobias, light, and darkness) and how everyone can learn from it. My personal experience is used just to illustrate the concepts and learn from them. If you do read it, I hope you find it helpful in your journey 🙂 https://creamoftheplanet.com/2016/01/10/shadow-2/

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  2. I can so relate to the wanting to be liked this putting up with a lot of shit. From spouse, in-laws, friends, coworkers… Long list, really. Good for you for standing up for yourself – as I’m getting to know me a little better I am also standing up for myself and while it feels uncomfortable at times, it’s pretty powerful to see how far I can get. Strangely though, I feel I over-compensate for my past self-inflicted doormat-ness by being overtly self-focused and slightly aggressive in asserting my own interest… Hopefully I’ll find a balance – and you will, too!

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      1. Totally. Better late than never. I think this is one of those discomfort-sensations we simply need to conquer and move them into our comfort zone so they become second nature. Takes practice I guess, and I’m getting better at being selfish. Nobody will fight for my interests, my wants and needs, but me. I learned this the hard way – just like you.

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  3. Happy Independence Day, caroline. You are learning. And hell yeah, I get it! Women are taught to put up with shit. To suppress our true selves to please others, to make life for others more ‘pleasant’. Damn proud of you. I have ‘friends’ like BS. I also detached from them. Fuckers! It is lonely. You don’t realise how much validation you get from others until you don’t anymore. I’ve been lonely for a while now because I decided lonely had to be better than used and abused. To be honest, it’s still a close call! But my self worth has to be the victor in the end, right? And as for religious intolerance, ugh. So ignorant and distasteful. Ewww.

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    1. Some people just plain old suck. It really isn’t worth the self respect we give up. I really felt better after I told BS to F off, I was actually smiling. The trick is, how do we learn to love being alone? That’s my hardest lesson.
      ❤️❤️❤️

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  4. Earlier this year I stepped away from a friendship of nearly 40 years. I treasure a lot of our past, but had learned that I was at fault whenever there were problems. And it was up to me to change. Or else. Do I have regrets? Of course. Was it the right thing to do? Hell yes. I wish I had done it earlier. Much earlier.
    Hugs.

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    1. I think if you feel good about your decision, u made the right choice. I’ve learned that following your happiness is a big indication that you are headed in the right direction. What u did was actually very courageous ❤️

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  5. Well done for leaving your ‘bullshit’ (yeah I said it!) by the side of the road, your journey to enlightenment just became lighter to the tune of one asshole.
    As a person who was bullied as a child also, I understand the fears you drag into adulthood. Kids can be assholes, adults can be assholes, but you my dear are fabulous! 👸🏻

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I am so proud of you. LOL out with the trash!!!

    I used to love being with people and yes a long, long, long time ago I would have spent enormous amounts of time with shitheads rather than by myself. No so anymore. I enjoy my own company so much that, as I’ve said before, I prefer being alone. LOL I get a kick of of ME and I have a ton of stuff I like doing by myself. At first it’s a little unnerving and I have a spouse so I’m not always totally alone. But I’ve been alone and was kinda getting used to it ….

    I’m sorry your friend was disrespectful with regards, of all things!!, your religion? I mean that takes NERVE, right? Who does that? And then when you bring it up to her she dismisses you? Um yeah lose that number, quick. With friends like that who needs enemies???

    Liked by 1 person

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