It’s my third week into the joys of financial aid. Actually, it’s not particularly joyous, it’s kind of stressful. What a week. I’m so happy it’s over. I feel clueless, and have spent more than a few minutes hiding in the bathroom stalls checking out my Instagram account avoiding any actual work. I am the ultimate slacker. Surely, somewhere that has to be a marketable skill, no?! It is my art. I have to say, despite the tedious nature of the work, my coworkers are absolutely lovely, and I feel like I’m starting to make friends. Hell, even my boss is cool. On Monday I felt completely overwhelmed though. By the time the work day finished, I had gotten myself into a total downer. All the existential angst came out. It freaks my mother out when I get that way. My negativity can just get really out of control, and it’s not always so easy to reign in. The only way I could stop it was to put myself to bed early. That night I went to sleep at 8:30. The next day, however, things turned around.
On Tuesday I finally got the call I was waiting for. I got the job as a car insurance claims adjuster: the job I wanted. OMG you guys, I was sooooo excited. The lady on the phone who gave me the good news laughed because I think I was on the verge of squealing LOL. I start on August 15. I think I’ll do my financial aid job up until the last day of this month, and then take a two week break (is that naughty?). They gave me the highest offer in the salary range, and that was something I hadn’t expected. Once the yearly bonus is factored in, I should be making about $10k more a year than I’m getting In my current position. God has done me good! So you see, I was totally right about the lucky penny thing. If all works well, this job could be my ticket to self-sufficiency. I am on my way to achieving one of my deepest wishes and life goals, so this is completely major for me. I finally feel in my heart that I can do this.
Guess who else called me? BS! We texted back and forth, and BS was demonstrating unusually excellent behavior. I have never known BS to be so nice. Is it newfound respect, or is it a trap? My heart wants to see the best in people, but I am cautious. Although I found the gesture really sweet, I just don’t have the desire or energy to meet up though. My day finishes late, and the last thing I want to do is spend what remains of it (or even my precious weekend), with someone who I’m pretty sure is going to revert to their old habits and irritate the crap out of me. So, thank you, but no thank you. It felt so good to finally be able to say no to someone from a position of power. I am often the one who feels like I have to please everyone. This time, someone was bending over backwards for me! BS is used to getting whatever they want whenever they want, so the fact that they were almost on the verge of begging was novel to say the least. It may not be very adult of me to admit it, but the fact is I liked this turn of events very much indeed.
The days are long. Coming home at 7 kind of sucks. The last few hours of the day I try to concentrate on being kind to myself. I have early nights, but I feel that I look so tired all the time. My heart is happy, but I feel really run down, which is why I haven’t been posting as much. Being an adult … Meh.
p.s. Birdy and I went to see a movie on Friday night, and I found more pennies than I have ever found in one day! Hmmm…