It was my first week of work (again) at my new job. I guess it’s going pretty well. Sometimes it can be hard to tell. The first day was really nothing like what I thought it would be. Instead of the standard one day of introduction where they tell you how great the company is and go through benefits, we only had about an hour’s worth of discussion with our trainers, and then we were shown to our desk. We were issued booklets to study for something called a 6-20 (Company Adjuster) insurance license. It is dry as fuck, and filled with a bunch of gobbledygook. Nevertheless, I have a licensing test next week, and I desperately want to pass it.
It was also during my first day that I was struck by a mini panic attack. This consisted of me crying in a rather putrid Wendy’s bathroom during my lunch break. I was overwhelmed. I often have these moments where I really doubt myself and my abilities. The truth is, there is only one job I ever felt that I truly excelled at: being a housewife. Now life is about creating something new for myself, something that involves a paycheck. It has been a struggle. Since returning to the US two years ago, this is my 4th job. I am desperate to make a success of this one. The thing is, I have fears. Can I handle it? Am I smart enough? Being fired from job #2 really dented my confidence. Three out of five days this week I went home with a stress headache, but today I’m feeling pretty good… yeah, I got this Martha Falker nailed.
Yes, I have fears aplenty. At first I had planned to write all about them, but I changed my mind. Instead of writing a sonnet to my worries, I am going to tell you the good stuff.
- The supply closet is stocked full of goodies… and it is left unlocked. Obviously they do not know me and my love of free stuff.
- Nobody pays attention to when you take a break or notices how long you are gone for. Maybe it’s going to bite me in the ass later, but I’m having fun with it while I can. I have never been given this much freedom before, and I like it. I like it a lot.
- The people here are lovely. They are easy to chat to, and I am making the effort to be sociable. When I was a housewife, I could go for days without speaking to another soul. I suffered with severe isolation. Now my life is the opposite. Though I still have to push myself, I find interacting with others to be extremely rewarding, and it has done marvels for my self-esteem.
- As of today, and for the first time since I’ve been back in the US, I have medical insurance. I hate spending money for the sole purpose of waiting for a catastrophe to happen, but in this country, it is a necessity. I enrolled today, and I’m feeling very adult about the whole thing.
- And now my lovelies, I am going to tell you the best part: we have two weeks of training in Arizona. I am so super excited about that! If you read my blog regularly, you will know that there are few things I love more than an adventure. Watch this space … if you know me at all, there is going to be a food orgy of epic proportions!
Let the weekend commence!