So things are going well. So far I am managing to keep my head above water at work. No major faux pas or anything, but I have been kind of busy. I’ve neglected my blog a bit. Today is an excellent day to remedy that as my company decided to close our office for today. Here in South Florida we are bracing ourselves for Hurricane Matthew. According to the news, you’d think the apocalypse was coming. The state is in panic mode. There are lines at the gas stations that spill out onto the streets, and all of our supermarkets are emptied of supplies. Whatevaaa. I am so not bothered. I know I should care… but… nope… I say let’s break out our finest tea and cookies. If we are gonna die, let’s go pinkies up bitches LOL.
As the wind howls and the rain pelts the windows, I’m going to enjoy my precious time off by reading, bubble bathing, and listening to some kick ass music. Yeah, fuck the hurricane. I got some luxuriating to do.
Instead of all that impending doom I should be obsessing about, today I’m going to write about something that I’ve been thinking of a lot lately: the challenge of not becoming jaded and bitter from your experiences. As you get older and you go through your share of shit, it can really be a struggle not to let your heart freeze over. In fact, I know some people who seem to actually want their hearts to go cold, because sometimes feeling just hurts too much. They want to become impenetreable. Not me.
I want to stay trusting. I want my heart to stay open to love and unlimited possibility, because when you take that stuff out of the equation, it kind of sucks out all the joy from life– well, that’s just my opinion. You can never really love if you are not able to trust or take the chance of being hurt. Those are just the rules of the game dollies.
You know what my secrets weapon is? It’s the knowledge that when the person who I loved more than anyone else broke my heart, and I thought my life was truly over, somehow I managed to survive. Check it out: here I am, all living and shit. I have outlasted my darkest winter, and I know I’m going to be okay. That is power my lovelies.
And then there was this song…
I want to preface this song by saying that growing up I loved to read and be read to. My favorite fairy tale was Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Snow Queen.” In this story, a little boy’s is innocence is taken from him when a splinter from an enchanted mirror gets in his eye. When the story ends, he sheds a tear and the splinter is dislodged. He is able to love again. He remembers who he is. The following song had a similar effect on me. Maybe you will find it silly or overly sentimental. I thought it was magic. I felt little crusts of jaded feelings release from my heart. It felt freeing. It reminded me who I am: someone who was put on this earth to give and recieve love. It was a transformative moment.
In my own little fairy tale, the little princess grew up to become a queen. And despite it all, she still believes in happy endings.