I Am

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“Nice” is for milk toast. It does not describe who I am.

People  who don’t know any better see me as this outwardly zen woman, completely at peace. They see someone who is quiet, gentle, and has a soft voice. Yes, that is who I am … on the outside. It is part of me. Inside me lives something totally different, and there is one person in my life who I wish could see the real me. I wish they could see my fire, and how strong and brave I can be– rather than this mouse that I seem to come across as.

It’s fine if most people view me that way. There are advantages to having this kind of persona. People are kinder to you, more willing to help, and more willing to talk to someone who comes across as non threatening. In my job, I use this to my advantage all the time. I’m great at making people feel comfortable, accepted, and important. I think it’s actually one of my greatest skills… but … I am more than that. I am not a slice of milk toast.

Part of it is that I’m an introvert. I’ve always been. I accept it, I like it, and I have no wish to change it. But there is this particular person I wish to impress. When I am around them, I find myself choking on my words, and I hate that! I know it’s kind of childish to ache for recognition. I remind myself of those little kids saying, “look at me mommy.” I don’t want to be that. Begging for attention is demeaning. But oh, how my insides ache to be recognized!

Still,  there is the me that lives inside my skin that sometimes wants to shout from the rooftops.  It wants to scream at the top of her lungs, and I’m sure it’s a voice so loud that it could shake the earth.

Mousey? No. That is not who I am. I am soft spoken and introspective, but I am no mouse.

Are you familiar with the “I Am” statement? “I Am” are two of the most powerful words in the universe. They are our mission statement, and how we define ourselves to our own self as well as the outside world. The words that follow “I Am” need to be positive, powerful, and in alignment with your core- the very truest part of you.

So who am I? I have thought long and hard about this.

  • I am regal.
  • I am gracious.
  • I am kind.
  • I am thankful.
  • I am passionate.
  • I am loving.
  • I am beautiful.
  • I am artistic.
  • I am brave.
  • I am unique and irreplaceable.

Whenever you start a sentence with “I Am” you are creating. You are deciding who you are and what you want to be. Don’t feel afraid to come off as conceited. Why do women always feel the need to belittle themselves to make others feel comfortable? Fuck that. Own who you are. So, who are you?

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