Life goes on

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“Be Brave” by Tracy Emin

Life has been quiet, but good. After Birdy I decided I’d give up on dating for the moment. I am trying to teach myself to be happy on my own, and I think I’m doing a really decent job. I definitely need a time out from men and the roller coaster of feelings that they seem to be accompanied by. I know a good reason that I have sought love with such desperate fervor in the past was about escapism (watch this video on YouTube, it says it all). It’s time to deal with myself. I’m keeping myself in good spirits all on my own these days (well… most days), and some nice little things have been happening along the way.

  • I  had an evaluation at work. I did well, and even ended up with a teeny tiny raise! I was not expecting that at all. I am growing ever more confident in my job, despite the craziness.
  • Two men called me beautiful. What can I say? It always feels good to get a compliment, even if I’m not interested in dating. Back when I was married I lived quite an isolated life. I never got male attention, so I am still finding it to be a fun novelty.
  • I’m dealing with far fewer negative emotions. For the most part, I am  happy and peaceful. That’s saying a lot actually. I listen to happy music. I read happy books. I do my best to fill my head with good thoughts. I sit in the sun (with SPF on of course). I treat myself kindly. I am on a constant mission to fill my cup with good things. I think at some point I really got depleted… but that is turning around.

I have one main goal, despite my various New Years resolutions: being happy and at peace.  Nevertheless, I am working on that resolution stuff too. As of February 1st I have begun my Diet Coke detox. I’m not going cold turkey, I’m phasing it out. It’s only been a few days, but it has been much easier than I thought. I haven’t gotten any withdrawal headaches like I’ve gotten during previous attempts. I’m trading in my daily bottle for two cups of hot lemon water on Monday-Friday. I will still indulge on the weekend, and then next month I’ll tighten that up some more. Let’s see how it goes. I love feeling like I’m getting all the nasty chemicals out of my system. I also love not being on birth control anymore. My skin is starting to look so much better, and I don’t have any wired stuff going on with my period anymore. I’m just as I should be.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I don’t sometimes jump when I get a text message, hoping that Birdy realized he made a mistake, that I’m a pretty awesome woman after all. No, I haven’t gotten a text like that. Instead I see my iPhone’s wall paper with a message I left for my own self. It say “be brave.” 

15 Comments

  1. Who cares about dating… you sound like someone worth having a conversation with. Unfortunately we are a civilization run by people who weren’t allowed out as teenagers so they get good jobs for good money that serve them and not they the society. Disposable income makes them feel informed and even progressive at times… yet they never did the promiscuity thing at 15…. and as a result the whole is expensively rewriting history or reforming geeks. The pharmaceutical companies make a fortune keeping this petrol engine alive. Lol
    Stuff the conquest. I think being friend zoned is funny cos I had more dirty women by 17 than most men will ever have. I went to the most elite boys school on this continent… left though they begged me to stay for my English mark and my annual performance in the head of the river… and I met a better class of person in the gutters. These days my recovery has already turned many of my peers bald yet women get my age wrong by 2 decades and I throw at least 6 punches a second. A bloke who carries on about being friend zoned (pet name for what)? probably doesn’t actually like women in the first place. He is probably even shocking in bed when on his own.

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  2. You’re so brave because you’re honest, you look at yourself, you look at your situation, you look at your pain, and you work through it. Yay on the pay rise, yay on the beautiful comments, yay to be brace 👊🏼👊🏼🙏🏻😍😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Back in England I was drinking about 1.5 liters a day. For the last year it was .5 liters. It can cause you to get theses benign lumps in you’d breasts (which shrink if you give it up) … among other things. I just want to try to give up the things in my life that don’t serve me. Diet Coke is most definitely one of them. In 3 months from now I plan to be completely free of it 🙂. By the way, did you loose some weight when you gave it up? I did, which I always thought was a bit strange as it’s zero calories.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was drinking probably 2 liters a day 🙄. Terrible! I didn’t notice any weight loss, but I did notice less cravings, and my stomach appeared flatter though the scale didn’t change.

        Liked by 1 person

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