Valentine’s Day. I loathe you. When I think of you I vomit in my mouth a little. For the last three years you have been a source of grief. It’s my fault, of course. I let you tell me that something is wrong with me because I don’t have a man in my life, and that is bullshit!
Valentine’s Day this year falls on a Tuesday. I’ll be working and I hope the day will pass without too much fanfare. At work they like to make big deals out of all the holidays. There will be a potluck, I know that much. They may as well call it, “The Let Me Eat My Feelings Free for All” LOL. I refuse to partake in such shenanigans. I’m saving myself for food that is not laced with bitterness and unrequited love — oh dear, I must get out more. I am turning into Sylvia Plath.
There is a guy showing me some interest. Actually I have known him for two years. For the sake of this blog, I’ll call him Mr Big because he is definitely one of those larger than life characters that you don’t come across too often. He is loud, brash, and sometimes downright rude and horrible. He is also the smartest person I ever met. He has a brilliant mind with an IQ that ventures into Einstein levels. He is also very successful. We are total opposites. He is completely out there, while I am quiet, arty, and romantic. That is part of what he likes about me. The thing is, sometimes we clash terribly, which is why we never had a real relationship. I am starting to look at Mr Big with new eyes though. There are two main reasons:
- Despite the fact that we can really rub each other the wrong way, and we might stop talking for long periods of time, he has never given up on me. He is steadfast. This is a quality I’ve been searching for in a partner since my marriage ended. We live during a time where humans treat each other as disposable. Everything is expected to be fast and easy. If it’s not, you throw it away and start again. The world is full of choices, after all, and the possibilities are endless. I don’t like this mentality. It’s fine for things, but not for people. People have hearts and memories, and if you hurt them, the effects can be very long lasting. Despite getting quite angry at me, Mr Big has never given up on me- and trust me, I can throw one hell of hissy when I’m provoked (and so can he for that matter)! He has seen me in my “special moments” – at times, he has been the cause of them. But guess what? He never left.
- I don’t have to convince him of anything. One great source of pain in past relationships is that I always felt I had to convince whoever I cared for that I was enough- that I’m pretty enough, smart enough … etc. I wanted to prove that I was worth sticking around for. Mr Big wants me with a capital W. He tells me I’m beautiful, that I’m smart, and he likes talking to me. I don’t go out of my way to impress him, he just kind of adores me. And get this, he is not afraid to use the “L” word! It is so nice to be in the company of a man who is not all wishy washy. Mr Big knows what he wants, and that just so happens to be me. How cool is that?!
I don’t know if this can work out. At best, we can compliment each other beautifully, but because of his bluntness and my over sensitivity, sometimes things get volatile. There are times where he is just too much for me. Maybe if I can keep my cool, and he can do the same… maybe…
Could the person I’ve been looking for be the one that’s been around all along, or should I just stick to cake?