You know what sucks? I mean majorly sucks? As soon as I get my hopes up about a guy, they get dashed. Tito and I? No. We are not going to be a “thing.” Just two days after telling you how excited I was about him, I have to take it all back. I feel a bit crushed as I really had feelings for him, but I know it’s not meant to be (it never is, is it?). Apparently we are going to stay friends. Normally I find that “friends” is a completely fake ass word. It doesn’t mean friends at all. It just another way of saying we agreed to part amicably. It means we will send a few texts back and forth and let our once amazing rapport fade into nothingness. Only time really will prove me right or wrong. I don’t have high hopes. Unfortunately this is far from my first rodeo now.
I am disappointed beyond measure, and I feel like a fool. Why do I attract such men? Birdy (who I might mention is a former Marine), didn’t even have the balls to break up with me like a man, and Tito? Well Tito can’t handle shit. So what happened? The guy does not know how to handle any emotion other than happiness. It’s just plain odd. I’ve seen this in other men to a lesser degree. I’ve often come across men who prefer women to wear a mask of a perfectly smiling happy face. Show them the fully fledged woman who is in touch with her emotions, however, and they crumble. Tito has this to the extreme. Because I am a very expressive and emotional person, I have to accept that this just isn’t going to work out the way I had wished. He can’t handle me.
So yeah, it’s best the romance ends now. He isn’t what I need. Damn it, I really liked him. I shared my heart with him and some very deep personal feelings and secrets with him. I let things go too far to fast (and that part is totally my fault, not his). Still, I never seemed to get used to this shit, the rejection. Each time it happens a little piece of me dies inside. One more string of hope is irrevocably cut… and I wonder how much is left. I wonder how much longer I can keep doing this.