Soul Mates: Myth and Bullshit

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I think about love. I think about it a lot. Maybe it is because I don’t have it. Maybe because I always think it’s the missing link that is going to give me the key to open the door to happiness (yeah, yeah, happiness is inside of me, I heard that one). I’ve been thinking about soul mates. Sometimes they call it twin flames. Other cultures and religions have different names for it. It is a common theme in love.

 

Do you believe in soul mates? I never did. Maybe you will find that odd coming from me, the airy-fairy, unicorn riding Caroline. I believe that I read somewhere that there are 7 billion human inhabitants on this earth, so imagine for a moment that only one of these people is your soul mate. Consider these things: What makes you think you would run into them? What if they live on some remote little island? What is the probability that they speak the same language? That they are within an acceptable age range to you? Or that there will even be mutual attraction.

 

To believe that there is only one special person tailor made just for you? Honestly, I find that depressing, if not completely horrific. The odds of winning the lottery seem better than running into this magical creature.

 

So what do I believe? I believe that there are oodles of “ones” rather than “the one,” but there are a lot of factors to take into account that can disturb the delicate balance. Timing is a big one, our mental state/ how we are feeling when we do meet one of our possibilities, as well as tons of other factors. Everything has to be just right to cultivate the sort of environment that would allow love to bloom … and when it does? It is pure and unadulterated deliciousness. But if you have experienced that deliciousness, you know it’s temporary.  Science confirms this. Romantic love can exist for a very long time, but it evolves. After a while your heart doesn’t flutter when you see them. This doesn’t mean you aren’t happy to see them, it just means that the euphoria fades. The drug like high we get just isn’t sustainable in the long term. It makes us kinda stupid anyway lol — don’t lie, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about lovelies. This is why, I believe, the fairy tales always end with the marriage where the couple end up living “happily ever after.” WTF does that mean? Does she eat bon bons while sitting under a cherry tree as he goes to work? Does she raise their children and wash the skid marks out of his underwear? Does he cheat on her as she is blissfully unaware? Do they stay forever young and beautiful, never facing any pain or obstacles because they are just so in love. Come on, you know how dumb that sounds. Any way it unfolds, don’t they just go back to real life again?

 

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I feel that the whole soulmate thing is completely bullshit. It’s a fairytale that can be dangerous because it creates unrealistic ideas about what love should be: two imperfect people who care enough not to give up on each other, despite the bad times and sometimes poor choices.

Let’s face it, nobody is perfect, and nobody’s relationship is perfect. The most wonderful partner still can make us cry or be a total pain in the ass. Still, we love them. It doesn’t really diminish the relationship, it’s just real. Soul mates? Not so real in my opinion. What do you think?

14 Comments

  1. I totally agree. I never was big on believing in fairy tales or soul mates or any of that. I do believe there are lots of people out there to love. Not all intimate relationships turn into long term ones, and not all romantic partnerships work out. Relationships of all kinds take effort by both parties all the time to make them work. If both parties aren’t willing to give more than they take, it’s probably doomed, no matter how beautiful, handsome, rich, loving, passionate, kind, caring, sexy, funny, intelligent–or whatever constitutes the perfect mate these days–that person is. If someone says their partner or partnership is perfect, or wonderful all the time, I have to believe they are lying. I knew this and said this long before dday… and long before I was married. Believing anything else is a fantasy. My bigger issue at this point is with trust. Trusting that a person is who they say they are… or will do and be what they say one day to the next, is a huge leap of faith. We must be willing to pick up and walk away from a destructive relationship. ❤

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    1. I think effort is the key word. A relationship is a commitment for continuous effort. It won’t always come naturally. There will be times where we really don’t like our partner and vice versa, but it’s the effort to keep going and that creates lasting love. ♥️

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  2. Oh I use to believe in true love, soulmates and fairytales! But I realize now I was Stupid! There is no such thing! That shit isn’t real. I’m sure there are special loving relationships out there, their just not what I thought they were and I don’t imagine I will ever know what a true relationship is. But who knows?

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  3. Nope i do not believe in soulmates either. Matter of fact to only time i hear that term used is for affair partners or adolescents. Kinda the same mental attitudes but lacking in years. Yes romantic love can make one stupid. They sooooo need to believe in it to jystify what they are doing/feeling. I guess I’m just too crusty and cynical because Not only do i not believe in soulmates I’m beginning to doubt the whole love/commitment gig. Probably just jaded.

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  4. I never believed in soul mates or “the one,” for the same reasons you mention here.
    However, I do believe that finding someone who’s soul is made of the same stuff as yours is incredibly rare, and a near-magical thing. I see it in the couples who have been married twenty years and are still wildly in love (I know maybe two or three couples like this). I’m not sure if who they are as people just meshed well together, or if it’s been twenty years of work and compromise that brought them there. I don’t know if I’ll ever have it. The only man I’ve come close to feeling that way about is a friend who’s married to someone else.
    As my marriage and most recent relationship have failed, I’ve decided that it’s time to stop looking for it. Because looking for it makes me feel desperate, and I end up settling. I overlook major red flags so that I can at least be part of a pair, and it’s a soul-happy pairing I’m after. But they aren’t the right souls. There may be many out there, but these aren’t them. So I’m going to wait. I’m going to turn my face to the sun and live life deeply, and just keep my heart open to the possibility of a good soul finding mine.

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    1. I think I’m done looking too. I hate it, but this has been too painful of a run. I’m done with trying to find this magical unicorn called love. My dad and his wife seem incredibly happy together, but they are the only ones I know. I

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  5. Interesting thoughts… I don’t know if I necessarily believe in the “one” but I do believe in souls bonding. And I don’t think it’s exclusively for romantic partners. I think soulmates can be your friends that you have unexplainable connections to. Or an adopted child that the parents’ souls were always connected to each other. An older compadre at work that’s like a parent. Or it could be a lover – or lovers – throughout time. I think you can have many in different forms and relationships/stages in your life. I think it’s too closed-minded to think there’s only one soul you are supposed to find and merge with forever.

    I feel I’ve been blessed with a few souls in my life that are my sisters forever. And not to seem naive and gushy, my bf has been soothing to my soul in a way I never thought possible.
    So, the one? No. Soulmates. Yes, many times over. 😉 xo

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol, nah. We’re just fed a lot of bs about romance throughout our life. The perfection of it and Prince Charming that will rescue us. Our village of loved ones are our rescuers and we are responsible for making good decisions or learning from the mistakes. They don’t tell us that in the movies and romance novels.

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