All is good in the hood. Yeah, I would love a boyfriend and a few million in the bank. Still, things are pretty okay. Sometimes I am suuuuuper bored, and I still suffer with horrible feelings of loneliness (I try to just sit with it, but easier said than done). Overall, however, I’d have to say that life is really alright. Here are some things I’m grateful about at the moment.

Getting my Botox done. It was long overdue. I desperately needed it in order to keep myself looking as serene and peaceful as people who don’t know me too well think I am. People often tell me I exude this aura of peace … little do they know what a total spaz I actually am. It’s my quiet voice and my gentle nature. I think you guys know, however, that under my skin I’m just the slightest bit bat shit.

As I don’t have a love interest in my life, I have been somewhat slack when it comes to maintenance (I love not having to shave!) but gosh, it feels good to get have my face back in order. I been spending just a teensy bit too much lately, so for financial reasons, I held off. Sadly, Botox ain’t cheap- if it was I’d probably tox myself up till I was a waxwork — I really do love the stuff. I realize not all of you will find being poked with a needle and injected with a form of botulism as a form of self care, but for me, it absolutely is.

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Right next to where I get my Botox done is a little restaurant that has been on my radar for several months: The Hummus House in Ft Lauderdale. Good hummus makes me terribly happy. Good hummus with nice pita and two fat triangles of baklava … heaven, and so that’s exactly what I had. I loved this little place. Service was fast and friendly, the place was super cute, but most importantly, the flavors and textures were just completely on point. I will definitely be going back.

So … let’s see… what else is good?

Screen Shot 2018-05-27 at 4.33.50 PM.pngRetail therapy… that’s been making me happy. I bought a lovely Tory Burch tunic. It looks so classy and sophisticated. I love the mandarin style collar and the deep slit down the front that makes this top ever so slightly sexy. It was pricy, but it was on sale, so whatevaaaa. I also bought a very over priced maxi dress *shrugs shoulders.* Have I ever mentioned how I love maxi dresses?! They are a woman’s best friend because they allow you to eat tons of food but still look very feminine and pretty. If you see a dazzling woman at the buffet with the flowy dress pushing you aside, that would be me dear *smooches.* Don’t hate.

The movie: I Feel Pretty. I saw it with my mom. It’s certainly not going to win any awards, but it was silly and fun, and it made me laugh. Sometimes that’s all you need, a good laugh, some entertainment, and wonderful company.

Triscuits: they seem to be an acquired taste, I’m not sure why. I fucking love those those things. Triscuits, a few squares of cheese, and I am a happy camper.

I’m making more female friends. You have no idea how much I value that. Us women, we get each other. I love being in the company of kind, smart women. Sometimes I forget, in the midst of all the guy drama I’ve encountered, that having fab women around me is just as important as having a man in my life.

Having Memorial Day off. What is more blissful than waking up on a Monday knowing you don’t have to endure the daily grind? Fucking priceless dollies!

Hope all is well with you, and that despite the daily shit blossoms that irreverently rear their ugly heads, that you are also managing to find the good in the mundane and the fabulous.

Tons of love,
Caroline

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Despite it all, I am okay.

It’s now been a week into my Birthday Challenge. It’s been okay, I only had one really horrible day. I was focusing too hard on the loss of Birdy, the loveliest man to cross my path in two years, and I made myself terribly sad. I have no regrets though. I did the right thing. He just wasn’t that into me. Other than that, avoiding men hasn’t been as difficult as I expected. I noticed I am having much less less severe ups and downs. That’s a good thing for now. Sometimes I feel a bit lonely and have the urge to call someone. The fact that nobody has bothered with me though, is quite telling. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my own head. I’ve been a bit more creative, and I’m eating better too. That’s not going to last though. Friday I will be on my way to New Orleans. The second my porcine hoof hits the pavement, I will be eating for two: me and my inner bitch. Believe me when I tell you that that woman is hungry!

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When you see me going to town on those delicious beignets, do not assume those mounds of powder to be sugar. My daddy says I’m sweet enough already… Note to self: Investigate which is cheaper–crack or therapy.

I’m feeling kind of awful about not finding a job yet. It’s been three months now. My unemployment is going to run out soon. Although I’m not in any real financial danger, I’m scared. Not having a job makes me feel very unsettled. I know freaking out totally isn’t going to speed up the process. It will just create wrinkles and my Botox has run its course, so I got to watch it. I am doing my best to take it in stride and have faith that everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to. Still, it is always looming in the back of my mind.

If my horror-scope is true, things are going to stay stagnant in my life until the end of next month. Around the time of my birthday, I can expect movement. Do you believe in horoscopes/astrology? I used to think they were a bunch of crap, but I’m not so sure anymore. On YouTube, I was told that this is a time for endings (even though they may be painful) so that new things could begin. Yeah… too much time on my hands.

Seriously, I am falling in love with YouTube. There is so much good stuff on there. I’ve been learning loads of unnecessary (but fun) things. I try to listen to stuff that’s uplifting and motivational. I want to immerse myself in good thoughts, otherwise it is my natural tendency to go the other way. I want to create new and positive habits, and developing a positive mindset is crucial for me.

Okay so none of what I wrote today is terribly momentous or relevant. I just wanted to “talk.” You guys are terribly lovely for humoring me. I adore you.

p.s. Stay tuned to my Instagram so you can see all my New Orleans photos!

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Has it ever occurred to you how ridiculously difficult it is to be female?  Why do we pluck, bleach, dye, shave, and wax hairs? Why do we wear heels that contort our feet into positions which are not only torturous but also unhealthy for the human body? Why do we straighten our hair with irons and treat it with chemicals? Why do some of us inject poison into our bodies and use mild acids on our skin? Why? Because God forbid we wrinkle (after all, we all know the worst thing a woman can do is get old …  or fat)!   I am guilty of many of these things. There is no reason to be coy. I’m guessing you are too, because if you are reading my blog, you are probably a woman.

Growing up I remember my mom brushing my hair. I remember having this huge knot right behind my neck that had to be unmatted. It took her ages to detangle me. I was crying and upset, and my mother said something to me I will never forget: “A little pain is a little beauty.”

The things we do to be “beautiful” are really over the top stupid. Imagine if you were an alien looking at us from outer space and you saw that all these tortures were not only self inflicted, painful, and expensive; but that we deeply wanted them. What would you think? Us women are a strange bunch. But if you think a little deeper, there is more to it than that.

I just read the most amazing book called Dietland by Sarai Walker. It made me think a lot about all the self harm we do in order to fit someone else’s idea of what women should be. Someone needs to slap those people. We are rad as fuck just the way we are, dontcha know!? When it comes to Dietland,  what looks like some ordinary chick lit, with its cutsey little cover, is actually one of the most eye poppingly unique feminist manifestos I have ever had the pleasure of reading (and that’s saying quite a bit as I do a lot of reading and have a minor in Women’s Studies). It starts off being about a fat girl who goes by the name of Plum. Plum is trapped in her 300+ pound fleshy suit of armor which prevents her from living the life she wants. Instead of relationships and romance, she gets snide and nasty comments. Instead of feeling worthwhile and beautiful, she covers herself in loose clothes trying to go unnoticed. She is contemplating gastric bypass surgery when the story opens. What actually unfolds, however, is not your typical fat girl gets thin and gets a guy book. No indeed. What happens, as Plum’s journey unfolds, is that Dietland leads the reader to question why being fat is actually so bad. For that matter, why as women, do we feel such a desperate need to cling to almost unattainable standards in order to feel that we have worth? Is beauty the most important thing to aspire to? Aren’t we more than the flesh suits we live in? Maybe our fat / unibrows / excessive body hair / flat chests / aging bodies aren’t really the problem.

Dietland  was not just an engaging read. At times it is dark and hardcore, at times it is funny and sweet. It also made me angry … but in a good way. Some of the characters in this book were also angry, and the novel explores what happens when women stop trying to be all sugar and spice and decide to fight back. Dietland will leave you with a smile on your face, an unapologetic door stopper of cake in your hand, and a feeling of empowerment. This book is for any woman who ever felt like she was “less than.” So yeah, this book is for anyone who is a woman. I wish I was rich like Oprah and could buy a copy for every single woman I know. I hope you read it.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful!

Let me start by saying that I don’t care what anybody says about Botox. It’s awesome. I’ve had people tell me, I don’t need it because I’m already pretty and it will make me look unnatural. Little do they know that I’ve already got it in my system LOL. It doesn’t change the way you look at all, it just softens certain expressions and makes you looked more happy and relaxed. It also prevents wrinkles, because if you are not making that nasty frown that causes those “number 11” lines  between your eyebrows, those wrinkles are not going to form.  Oh, and it doesn’t hurt either. It’s just a teeny little pinch when the needle goes in. Thanks to Groupon I get mine done really cheap. The last time I went I got a $250 treatment for $80 because I waited for a 20% off promotion.  Personally, I feel there is no point wasting tons of money to have a counter full of makeup. Why cover up something with cosmetics when you can get rid of it? And really, no makeup covers up wrinkles… not that I have any ;).

Botox and good skin care (link) is the way to go. Don’t listen to the haters. You will not look any different, except that fine expression lines will either disappear or diminish, and you will not be able to make as many ugly faces.  If you have deep wrinkles, it isn’t really going to do much for you except prevent them from becoming worse. For fine lines though, it’s great. I don’t know why so many people are so against it. We live in a culture where women are not considered valuable and lovable when they get older, then we penalize and back bite them when they attempt to look youthful. It is cruel. I get Botox because I like what it does for me. I make no apologies. The best beauty secret of all, my lovelies, is happiness. If you read me regularly, however, you know my divorce, my breakup with Napoleon, and my move to the US have affected me deeply. I am trying to relearn how to be happy. Often though, I feel lonely and scared, and if a little Botox helps me look and feel a little more confident. I think it’s totally worth it. I need to do what I have to do to get my sparkle back.

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You know what else helps me sparkle? What gives me the glow that supermodels long for? Burgers LOL. Is it the happiness that a good burger brings me, or is it just too much grease and oil in my system? I don’t know, but I freaking love it. A good burger can make you forget why you ever wanted a man in the first place. I have been wanting to go to Charm City Burger Company in Deerfield Beach ever since I read about it. I went there knowing exactly what I wanted: The Emperor. It’s a patty melt on brioche made with American Kobe beef, sautéed mushrooms, cave aged gruyere, and truffle aioli… and hot damn it was good! Freaking juicy! I have rarely had a man please me the way that burger did. This is my first 10/10 burger in the US. This decadent patty melt had this amazing savory umami thing going on with a bit of sweet from the buttered brioche. Ooooh, I think I may swoon. I also had the sweet potato fries which were kind of meh (next time I’ll try the tater tots), and my dining companion had the special burger of the day, the Hawaii 5-0 which was good but not nearly as good as mine. Too bad, so sad, I wasn’t about to trade!

So burgers and Botox… it’s fair to say that except from some somewhat terrifying emails from my lawyer, I had a decent week. In addition, I’m just about to embark on a nice long Memorial Day weekend. I have some very interesting plans too ;), but I’ll save that for another post.

Have a great weekend dollies.

p.s. I just started up an Instagram account. I don’t really have any followers or interesting posts just yet, but hopefully that will change soon. If you are on, I hope you will follow me and we can catch up on each other’s adventures!