Woo hoo… It’s Friday. I’ve made it through my last day of work in financial aid. I’ve decided to take only one week off before starting my career as a claims adjuster. I could use the extra weeks worth of pay (besides, when I’m not working I tend spend a ton of money). Anyway I’m really looking forward to the quiet before the storm. Here are three other things I’m thankful for:

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Getting rid of dead weight: There has been more drama between BS and I. It was unpleasant to say the least. You guys warned me that BS was a narcissist and that I should keep my distance. I didn’t listen. BS finally convinced me to meet up, where I ended up being called both “bitch” and “looser.” I am a looser actually. That day I lost a huge piece of crap ūüėú. The truth is I was in tears, but as I write this the sting is gone. These sorts of people don’t deserve the satisfaction of disturbing our peace. To ensure this doesn’t happen again, BS’s phone number has been well and truly blocked. No more contact. Moral of the story: if someone makes you feel bad, and you are constantly on the¬† defensive when you are in their company, they are not actually your friend, despite what they may tell you.¬† People who care for you will never treat you that way. Kick that turd waffle to the curb and don’t look back (you aren’t going that way)!

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With the extra week’s pay in my pocket I decided to treat myself to a little luxury. Back when I lived in England I had the most lovely Bose noise canceling headphones. I ended up flogging it on eBay before coming to America. This week I have replaced them with the wireless version. ¬†I got them in grey to match my beloved iPhone, this way I can be all color coordinated and shit. Although they aren’t cheap, they are pretty freaking fabulous. Aside from the typical headphone function, they can be used to drown out background noise. Instant peace and quiet. I think Bose should rename the product “The Bitch Be Gone Wireless” LOL. I simply adore them. We should all own a pair. It’s times like these where I wish I was Oprah rich so that I could give all my readers one. Why doesn’t God issue these things when we are born?

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Another thing that makes me forget about people I don’t like: food. Lately I’ve been loving my little visits to Paul Bakery. In Paris they are as common as McDonalds, and there are quite a few in London too. Visiting brings back some very beautiful memories for me. I often order the choquettes and a pot of tea. Chouquetts are a popular snack in France. I remember reading somewhere that French children flock to their¬† local bakery after school and munch on these on their way home.¬† I don’t know any other place where you can buy these things except Paul. I love them. They are basically choux pastry topped in crunchy pearl sugar. I find it a very comforting snack. I really want to be able to recreate these lovelies at home… maybe I shall try my hand at it this week.

I am looking forward to the week ahead. I don’t have any plans as of yet, but it will be nice to wake up with the day all to myself. I do hope there is just the teeniest bit of shenanigans ahead. I do enjoy a bit of fuckery every now and again.¬†I like to keep my skills fresh.¬†What are your plans?

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Excellence in all that I do: that is (not) my motto.

It’s my third week into the joys of financial aid. Actually, it’s not particularly joyous, it’s kind of stressful. What a week. I’m so happy it’s over. I feel clueless, and have spent more than a few minutes hiding in the bathroom stalls checking out my Instagram¬†account avoiding any actual work. I am the ultimate slacker. Surely, somewhere that has to be a marketable skill, no?! It is my art. I have to say, despite the tedious nature of the work, my¬†coworkers are absolutely lovely,¬†and I feel like I’m starting to make friends. Hell, even my boss is cool. On Monday I felt completely overwhelmed though. By the time the work day finished, I had gotten myself into a total downer. All the existential angst came out. It freaks my mother out when I get that way. My negativity can just get really out of control, and it’s not always so easy to reign in. The only way I could stop it was to put myself to bed early. That night I went to sleep¬†at 8:30. The next day, however, things turned around.

On Tuesday I finally got the call I was waiting for. I got the job as a car insurance claims adjuster: the job I wanted. OMG you guys, I was sooooo excited. The lady on the phone who gave me the good news laughed because I think I was on the verge of squealing LOL. I start on August 15. I think I’ll do my financial aid job up until the last day of this month, and then take a two week break (is that naughty?). They gave me the highest offer in the salary range, and that was something I hadn’t expected. Once the yearly bonus is factored in, I should be making about $10k more a year than I’m getting In my current position. God has done me good! So you see, I was totally right about the lucky penny thing. If all works well, this job could be my ticket to self-sufficiency. I am on my way to achieving one of my deepest wishes and life goals, so this is completely major for me. I finally feel in my heart that I can do this.

Guess who else called me? BS! We texted back and forth, and BS was demonstrating unusually excellent behavior. I have never known BS to be so nice. Is it newfound respect, or is it a trap? My heart wants to see the best in people, but I am cautious. Although I found the gesture really sweet, I just don’t have the desire or energy to meet up though. My day finishes late, and the last thing I want to do is spend what remains of it¬†(or even my precious weekend), ¬†with someone who I’m pretty sure is going to revert to their old habits and irritate the crap out of me. So, thank you, but no thank you. It felt so good to finally be able to say no to someone from a position of power. I am often the one who feels like I have to please everyone. This time, someone was bending over backwards for me! BS is used to getting whatever they want whenever they want, so the fact that they were almost on the verge of begging was novel to say the least. It may not be very adult of me to admit it, but the fact is I liked this turn of events very much indeed.

The days are long. Coming home at 7 kind of sucks.¬†The last few hours of the day I try to concentrate on being kind to myself. I¬†have early nights, but I feel that I look so tired all the time. My heart is happy, but I feel really run down, which is why I haven’t been posting as much. Being an adult … Meh.¬†

p.s.¬†Birdy and I went to see a movie¬†on Friday night, and I found more pennies than I have ever found in one day! Hmmm…

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In my last post I told you that I had plans to see the fireworks with a friend. Plans changed. BS (yes, that is really this person’s initials) is kind of an A-hole. I don’t see BS often, and there is a reason for that.¬†Have you ever spent time with someone, who just drains the life out of you like a blood sucking vampire? It’s kind of like they feed on your goodness only to leave you feeling absolutely deflated. BS is that sort of animal.¬†Sometimes people like that are family members, and we have no choice but to be tolerant and turn the other cheek, but why would someone actually volunteer to spend time with someone like that out of their own free will?

It’s pretty pathetic, but let me just be honest: sometimes I really dread feeling alone and would rather be with a shithead than be on my own. How lousy is that? Yeah, I still have a lot of self-work to do, that much is obvious. BS has this ugly habit of always insulting my religion. I try to shake it off, but BS grabs onto it like a dog with a bone and will not let go. It is just one insult after another, and I can’t help but feeling terribly offended. I tend not to speak up about it.¬†I know that if I do things will get ugly… and then last night I was lying in bed, and I decided, NO, I was not going to let this continue. I texted BS to explain my feelings. BS told me that this is just who they are, and that I have to accept it if I want to hang out. To make a long story short, we parted ways. Apparently I wasn’t a friend enough to deserve any sort of respect. I was only required as a doormat, not as a person with actual thoughts and feelings.

I have nobody to blame but myself for allowing that kind of treatment. Somehow I got used to it, not just with BS, but with a lot of people. ¬†When you get used to something for long enough, it becomes your “normal,” even if it isn’t actually normal at all. In fact, it’s sticking up for myself that feels positively uncomfortable for me. It is unfortunate, but as a little girl, I got picked on a lot. I was the subject of severe bullying, and I know it took a huge toll on me. It really effected my self esteem, even well into adulthood. As a wife, I kept quiet to keep the peace with the in laws. I just wanted to be liked. It didn’t matter what it cost me. It’s strange how I am still battling those old demons today. Some say life keeps throwing us the same lessons over and over again until we learn. Maybe I am learning.

It is highly unlikely that I am going to see the fireworks now. Maybe I might catch a glimpse of light from the porch, but I most certainly did celebrate Independence Day in my own special way. I didn’t feel bad, like I was loosing a friend, I felt like I was getting rid of something very heavy. I love it when I do the right thing LOL. It doesn’t happen every day.¬†Today I gave myself a special kind of independence, and there were no fireworks necessary.