Let's get into the Thanksgiving spirit, shall we? Grab yourself a turkey leg. Do it like a boss!
Let’s get into the Thanksgiving spirit, shall we? Grab yourself a turkey leg. Do it like a boss!

Of all the holidays I missed most while I lived in the UK, it was most definitely Thanksgiving. In all honesty, it wasn’t about the sitting around the table with my loved ones and giving thanks, it was about the unabashed food orgy. I’m always down with that! Well, this year, I find myself back in the USA, and I will indeed be with my family, and I am also totally going to be wearing some elasticated stretch pants (I can afford to now, I’ve lost a good amount of weight on the “grief diet”) but, for the first time I’m also going to give thanks. I have a lot to be thankful for this year, despite all the craziness.

Ha, at least they are not asking me why I'm single.
I’m single, but I’m not alone.

1. Friends: The best thing that came out of this year is some wonderful friendships. It’s strange because, I have had very few friends in my life. From the time I was 17, until quite recently, I have always had a man in my life. I made them the center of my world, and nobody else mattered. Friendships were not to important to me, I could take them or leave them. I was stupid. Today, there is no man in my life, but I have more friends now than I have ever had before. Not just acquaintances, but people that I genuinely care for, and they care for me in return. It is a new experience, and a good one… but if God is reading this, I’d also like a man LOL.

Yay.... I love being warm and toasty!
Yay…. I love being warm and toasty!

2. Being back in America: Okay, well if I’m completely honest, this wasn’t what I wanted at all… but this is what I got, and it’s not so bad. First of all, I truly believe that the people here are the friendliest around. They smile at you, and they say hello. People here talk to strangers. Trust me, this does not happen in the UK. I like it. Being in Florida is also awesome because of the warmth and the sunshine. If I were in England right now, during this time of year, my nose would be running, I’d have dry skin and eyes from the heaters, and I’d be wearing my coat in the house. Winter in the UK was a perpetual state of discomfort for me, I never got used to it. Plus, the daylight hours are very short. Sometimes nightfall starts around 3:30. I totally don’t miss that.

I'd make for a very curious super hero, but ever so slowly, I am saving myself.
I’d make for a very curious super hero, but ever so slowly, I am saving myself.

3. And speaking of warmth, there’s something else I’m thankful for: after many, many years, I feel a fire burning inside of me again. Sometimes it’s and angry fire, a fire that burns out of rage. Sometimes it’s a fire of survival: a fire that burns because I know that I’m on on my own now, and I’ve got to fight to do this on my own. This fire is something I thought was totally extinguished. It happened shortly after I got married. For so many years I used to sit back and just let my husband deal with the hard things. Now I don’t have that choice anymore. I am learning that I actually can do it on my own, and I am so f’ing proud of myself that I am getting back on my feet.  It’s been a dark year, but they say fire burns brighter in the darkness. Some women are lost in the fire, and some women are built from it. Well, I’m not sure which one I am, but I can tell you that I’m toasting marshmallows LOL.

So, this Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for? Wishing you and your loved ones a very happy holiday.

I’ve been feeling a little rough. It’s a little hard to explain, but I feel like my life has no joy in it anymore. Nothing horrible and dramatic has happened recently, I am just deeply unhappy. It’s not 100% of the time, but it is most of the time. The things which once gave me pleasure don’t seem to interest me much anymore. Last night I went to bed at 7:30 and I slept for 12 hours. It wasn’t because I was super tired. It was because I was feeling sad. I cry often and easily. I want to believe that there is something left for me. I want to feel that this is just a rough patch, and maybe one day I will wake up and feel good again. Right now I’m having a hard time understanding how something better is going to manifest itself, but I read somewhere that it’s not our job to figure out the “how,” that that is better left to God.

On that note, rather than wallow in my feelings, I wanted to focus on the good stuff. Several months ago I read the book called The Secret. Although I do not necessarily believe in all of the concepts presented there, the one message I took away from it is the importance of gratitude. I really believe it has a very transformative power. So today I want to focus on a few things that make me happy while I’m not at my best (from the trivial to the significant).

1. Random acts of kindness: I love to be reminded that people are generally good. It gives me hope.

2. The chocolate dipped coconut macaroons at Godiva. I always end up eating the whole four pack in one day. I have no self control LOL. What can I say? Sometimes a girl needs to treat herself.

Try them, trust me on this one.
Try them, trust me on this one.

3. Books: When I was in college I used to love reading the vampire series by Anne Rice. Recently, she just wrote a new book, Prince Lestat, bringing all my favorite characters back to me. It’s like catching up with old friends (glamorous, blood sucking friends LOL). Sitting on the porch, on a sunny day, reading about what they are up to now… it’s nothing short of lovely.

Bite me Stuart Townsend LOL (he was devinely sexy as Lestat in the movie Queen of the Damned).
Bite me Stuart Townsend LOL (he was divinely sexy as Lestat in the movie Queen of the Damned).

4. My dear friend T: I have known her since we were both three years old. We were in nursery school together.  Although we live far apart, and we only talk a couple of times a week, she is nothing short of a sister to me. This week, she told me she loved me. Except for my mother and my grandmother, no other woman has ever told me they loved me before. I told her I loved her too. Isn’t it wonderful when sometimes someone tells you exactly what you need to hear? When she said those words to me, for the briefest moment, I could feel my heart open like the petals of a flower.

I saw this video on YouTube that kind of expresses how amazing it is to let someone you love know what they mean to you (for the both of you).


5. Surviving: Despite it all, even with this broken heart, I wake up in the morning. I put one foot in front of the other. I’m living and sh*t.  I’m still here. I’m not going to let some ass wipe keep me on me knees.

I'm not there yet, but I promise myself that I will be. What other choice is there.
I’m not there yet, but I promise myself that I will be. What other choice is there?

I am amazed the way this works for me. I really do feel better when I write down what I’m grateful for. What makes you feel grateful?