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Hello dollies!

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything, almost a month. I always write to you on my sister’s computer, but it was having technical difficulties which are now resolved. I am happy to say that all is well.

Let me start with a short recap. I didn’t get that promotion I applied for, but I am totally ok with that. I don’t think the position was actually suited to me. Still I put myself out there, and as a result, I was gifted with a new direction. You see, I was kind of a aimless as far as what I wanted my career path to be within my company, but as a result of the failed interview, I had a fantastic conversation with one of the bosses which really  helped me to figure out a route that I know would really be suited to me. I am very pleased I didn’t get the job, because now that I know the job I want, I don’t really want anything else.

All is well with Birdy and I. We had a couple of delicious trips to The Standard Spa, a few slumber parties, and in a most unladylike fashion, Moi invited herself over for Thanksgiving dinner. No regrets, I’d do it again. It was a lovely evening and I had a wonderful time. Birdy’s family are so welcoming to me, and that feeling of being included is one that I have always craved. I have been making the drive to Birdy’s place and getting more and more comfortable with driving on the highway. I am very proud of myself.

Work has been fun. Well, not work per say, but the work environment. My company goes all out for the holidays. We had the most fantastic pot luck. The manager of our district even cooked us turkeys! How cool is that? Then, yesterday, two of my co workers and I hung out after work and went to one of my favourite restaurants. I over ate … a lot … but whatevs. I know it may sound a bit strange, but I’ve never hung out with a co-worker outside of work before.  Once upon a time I was an isolated housewife who spoke to barely anyone. Now I actually have friends — they aren’t even imaginary! It is a novelty that I am still getting used to.

With Thanksgiving, the pot luck, going out to eat, and all the holiday fun, my diet has kind of gone to shit. Before all this started I reached just under 118 pounds. It was a f’ing pre-Christmas miracle. I dare not weight myself now. I am confident I’ll get myself back in gear. I have to. I just bought this beautiful dress I’ve been lusting after for about 6 months in the Black Friday sales online, and I am determined to look as ultra fab in it as I do in my imagination!

I am happy my loves. When was the last time I wrote that? I have everything I need and everything I want, and I am grateful beyond measure. Of course, we can always gild the lily a bit, no? I will just preface my list by admitting that the things I want most can’t be bought. They will require lots of good energy and patience. The other things, just cherries on the cake. If end up with none, I would not be even the tiniest bit sad. If I had a tree, these are the things I should like to be under it.

Birdy with a big red bow on him. I don’t know if he has the patience to crouch under a tree all night so he can surprise me for when I wake, but I can dream, no? Maybe he can even pop out of a cake or something. I think I’d like that very much.

A fabulous Norma Kamali bathing suit for when I luxuriate at The Standard. I love the retro glamour of it. It is just so Old  Hollywood.
Note: the ribbon on Birdy should match the color of my swimsuit.

Bill Mio swimsuit by Norma Kamali

The Curator Collection mascara set by Hourglass. I tried it NYC. Fantastic.

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A MacBook Pro. I’ve not owned a computer since moving back to the US, I think I’d quite like one. One with a big ass screen to match my expanding thighs. It’s all about balance dollies!

A fabulous getaway to somewhere I’ve never been. The ticket should come in a gold envelope methinks. Perhaps it can be tucked into an uber designer carry on.

OMG, am I not so good at making up presents?! We haven’t even scratched the surface. You see, just when you think you’ve witnessed the bottom of my batshit crazy… BOOM! There’s the bat shit crazy underground garage! And the garage has levels dontcha know?!

So tell me my dears, what is on your list? I know you have one, even if it’s not written down. Have you treated yourself to anything special?

T
I had this picture saved in my Pinterest. It always made me smile and made me think of  T and I. We actually used to dress just like that when we were not in our school uniforms. She was the blonde, and I was the brunette. We were not necessarily alike, but we were like sisters.

I don’t have lots of friends. Despite the impression you may get of me from reading my blog, I’m not the most sociable person in the world. I would definitely classify myself as an introvert. Although I consider myself friendly, and I believe I can pretty much get along with anyone, I am very quiet in person. I worry that some people see me as stand offish. I’m not, actually.  I just will never be the type who has hundreds of Facebook friends or Instagram followers, and I am totally okay with that. I like who I am. I like it that the people I do become close with are people I sincerely love and value.

I have never spoken about T here before. T is my best friend since I was 3 years old, she lives far away in Connecticut where I grew up. T and I met in nursery school. It’s odd, but I still remember the day that I met her 37 years ago. I remember she was wearing a denim dress with a pocket. In the pocket was a little red handkerchief. She was dressed kind of like my favorite doll: Raggedy Ann. I can’t remember if it was her first day of school or mine, but I do remember that we bonded over crayons and a coloring book. We were friends from that moment on.

Life was never easy for T. Even while I knew her, she went through some really bad stuff I would not know about till many years later. She was fighting battles nobody knew about, yet she was always there for me.

We kept in touch through college, and then lost touch when I met the man I would later marry. Many years passed. After my divorce and my return to America I reconnected with T via Facebook. That was one of the best things to come out of my returning home. We picked up right we we left off. It was great. She could not be closer to me than one of my blood sisters.

In our years apart, T had suffered a lot: diabetes, cervical cancer, breast cancer, a double mastectomy, a hysterectomy (just to name a few). Despite this, she was a survivor. Recently she started with breast reconstruction. It was two years after surviving breast cancer. It seemed like things were moving forward. It wasn’t going smoothly, but it was going. I was (and am) so proud of her.

After coming home from New Orleans, she delivered the most shocking news: she has terminal cancer. What?!?! I can not get my head around it. My best friend is going to die. This is the only woman outside of family to ever tell me she loved me. I didn’t (and don’t) really know what to say. I can’t even accept that this is true. 

I think she is avoiding me. For the past week I’ve tried to call her a couple times, and I sent her a few texts, but she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. I respect it, I mean, I know this has nothing to do with me. She is trying to process her fear and grief. She did tell me she was terribly scared. How can she not be?

I hope “terminal” can mean years and years, but according to her, the cancer is all over. She told me she is going to be strong. She says she wants to get old with her husband and is going to fight this thing. She doesn’t know about my blog, nobody does, so it’s safe for me to tell you that she was given a death sentence, and there is no way around this thing. None of us are meant to live forever, but some go earlier than others. I am so sad that her part in my life is coming to an end. I love her so much.