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So truth is that I had a shitty week. Really shitty. My mom hasn’t been well (I kind of loathe to get into it, I find it kind of scary and embarrassing to talk about), work has been breaking my back (nothing earth shattering, but you know that can suck), and I have been feeling overlooked. I know we all feel this way sometimes. Different problems of course, but we all have moments where we need a pick me up. We all need to be reminded of who we REALLY are: powerful, beautiful, and limitless beings. 

Here are five ways that I tried to work on that today:

Awesome music: I have music that suits all my moods. There is some stuff that I listen to that’s totally hard and kick ass, some that’s goth and moody, and some that makes me feel very feminine and spiritual. We all have different tastes and different sides to our personality. One thing is the same for all of us though: music is some powerful ass magic. Sometimes you gotta put on your headphones (Bose, dear), block out the rest of the world, and loose yourself in sound. Just totally feel it. Immerse yourself into it. FEEL it. BE it. Dance if your wishes move you. Take your music out for walk or a run in nature if you are feeling it.  It’s all good.

I ate good food: Now, I’m not talking about bingeing, though we all know I am not averse to that (goddesses don’t regulate themselves, after all). What I’m talking about eating food that is good for you, but also delicious. A coconut macaroon won’t kill ya either dollies, not when they are from Godiva. Aside from my sugar laden Scooby Snack of choice though, today I also indulged in thick Greek yogurt covered in  a luxurious sweet honey that I’ve been saving for something special, and some incredibly tasty avocado toast with juicy tomatoes. Who doesn’t love avocados, right? I drink my special tea that I adore, and I just savor the flavors. 

I was selfish with my time: There are moments where everyone needs to kinda fuck off. They might be fabulous, but fuck off they must. And then there are people who really don’t deserve your energies. You know who I’m talking about. You are totally thinking about someone right now, aren’t you LOL? Sometimes you need to be selfish and be all about you, because we both know, nobody else will do this for you. Turn off your phone. Maybe lock the door to your room. Or maybe just get out. Today I became invisible for a while (though honestly, I don’t think anyone noticed–that sorta sucks, but whatevs).

I took a bath. Maybe it is because I’m a water sign, but there are few things so soothing as a nice bath (with a ridiculously overpriced scented candle—Walmart can kiss my ass. Frugality has no place when it comes to self care.) Bubbles or bath oil. It’s all good. Sometimes I lie there, just kind of motionless and feel the warm water around me. Sometimes I listen to guided meditations on YouTube. Just follow whatever your heart wants. Maybe some cookies? I don’t know, just sayin.’ If the crumbs get in the tub, it’s no biggie, they will all just go down the drain, so actually, it’s really pretty genius.

I made a face mask. When I was in NYC I stopped in one of my favorite little shops: Kalustyan’s. I’m not sure how I describe the place. It’s kind of like a witch’s cupboard of the weird and wonderful. It is a food store, but it sells these magical ingredients that you just won’t find anywhere else. This time, one of the unusual ingredients I purchased was Organic Rose Petal Powder… Now what would I do what that? Well I’m kind of obsessed with rose as a flavor, so I bought it, and I decided I’d figure it out later. After doing a bit of research I decided to make a face mask out of it. Supposedly, it is a natural skin toner. I mixed the rose petal powder and honey (full of antioxidants) to form a thick dark colored paste and slathered it onto my skin (after I tried to taste it … yeah, really). I left it on for a good 20 minutes, and then washed it off. Rinsing it off with water is a bit messy. But do you know what? It actually produced great results. I wouldn’t lie to you on this. My skin felt felt very soft and looked very fresh and healthy in a way that it does not normally. I am going to make this a weekly habit, as it feels quite indulgent, and I adore self care. If you can find this crazy ingredient, try it out for yourself. 

I want to also try adding little spoon of the powder into hot chocolate. Would it be as yummy as I imagine? Watch this space.

I think its super important to discuss how we pull ourselves out of negativity rather than wallow in it. Feelings are like visitors, they come and go, but sometimes the yucky ones will want to hang out just a bit too long if you invite them to tea. So let’s talk about this my lovelies, how do you vanquish the nasties?

Sometimes my mind drifts into places I don’t want it to go. Nothing particularly horrible happened, but my feelings seemed to have taken a bit of a  dive. I’m a teeny bit embarrassed to talk about it after I seemed to make it look like I had found some kind of enlightenment, but I will give you a hint: boys. I don’t really want to talk about it because the more you focus on something, the more power you give it.

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I’m skuliking LOL.

I was being so good. I was storing little baubles of happiness in the same way that a squirrel saves nuts for the winter. I was feeling good. But then I had a teeny little hiccup. I slipped and the baubles scattered. It happens. Nobody changes overnight I guess. We have to be kind to ourselves. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all. We are all works in progress.

Many years ago, I think it was on Oprah or Dr Phil, there was a show I watched about weight loss. They were discussing how most of the people who lost weight gained it back. Do you know what makes the difference between successful dieters who keep it off, and those who regain the pounds? Every single one of them suffered from slip ups, even the ones who were considered successful. The difference is, the successful dieters were quicker to get back on when they fell off the wagon.  It’s not a great secret or a magic pill, but this concept can be applied to anything. It is an idea that stuck with me.

The problem is, when you are feeling low, it’s not always so easy to get the happiness momentum flowing again. Your mind isn’t really receptive to happy thoughts when you feel like crap. I need to stop telling myself that I am unloveable, that nobody will ever love me. I need some heavy ammunition.

I took the day off today. I needed it. I ate lots of stuff that was bad for me (did you know that Nordstrom has a little cafe called EBar that does the most divinely flaky  rugelach?– yep, true). I did a little retail therapy — some cute sneakers and a lovely bathrobe (I am such an awesome bargain hunter by the way. It was a dove grey  Eberjay bathrobe. Originally it was $120, but I got it for $40)… it was a no go though. I mean, it was good for while it lasted, but as the evening drew closer, so did the dark feelings.

Aside from eating enough fat and sugar to put myself into a diabetic coma, here are a few things I like to do when I’m feeling a bit low:

  1. I’ve been going for walks. It’s the healthy thing to do. I’m trying to convince myself that I like doing it. I listen to music or some chatter on YouTube. It’s not bad.
  2. I take a scented bath.
  3. I try to fill myself with good, positive thoughts. It’s all about getting myself “in the zone.”
  4. Gratitude: I make it a big deal to appreciate the little things. I think this one is soooooo important. If there is one secret to my success, it would be gratitude. If you don’t already, try keeping a gratitude journal. It has done wonders for me.
  5. Anticipation. Always try to have plans in the works. It gives you something fun to focus on. If you are having a bad day, you can imagine where you will be or what you will be doing in a month from now. Right now I have a goal that by the new year I will have booked my next splendiferous adventure. Hint: copious amounts of food will be involved.

I think I’m going to eat my last Godiva macaroon now. It looks kind of  forlorn and somewhat lonesome.  I bet she is also wondering why no man will ever love her (okay, perhaps I am projecting now). I’ll go back on my diet tomorrow… maybe.

What do you do when you are in a downer?

 

I’ve been feeling a little rough. It’s a little hard to explain, but I feel like my life has no joy in it anymore. Nothing horrible and dramatic has happened recently, I am just deeply unhappy. It’s not 100% of the time, but it is most of the time. The things which once gave me pleasure don’t seem to interest me much anymore. Last night I went to bed at 7:30 and I slept for 12 hours. It wasn’t because I was super tired. It was because I was feeling sad. I cry often and easily. I want to believe that there is something left for me. I want to feel that this is just a rough patch, and maybe one day I will wake up and feel good again. Right now I’m having a hard time understanding how something better is going to manifest itself, but I read somewhere that it’s not our job to figure out the “how,” that that is better left to God.

On that note, rather than wallow in my feelings, I wanted to focus on the good stuff. Several months ago I read the book called The Secret. Although I do not necessarily believe in all of the concepts presented there, the one message I took away from it is the importance of gratitude. I really believe it has a very transformative power. So today I want to focus on a few things that make me happy while I’m not at my best (from the trivial to the significant).

1. Random acts of kindness: I love to be reminded that people are generally good. It gives me hope.

2. The chocolate dipped coconut macaroons at Godiva. I always end up eating the whole four pack in one day. I have no self control LOL. What can I say? Sometimes a girl needs to treat herself.

Try them, trust me on this one.
Try them, trust me on this one.

3. Books: When I was in college I used to love reading the vampire series by Anne Rice. Recently, she just wrote a new book, Prince Lestat, bringing all my favorite characters back to me. It’s like catching up with old friends (glamorous, blood sucking friends LOL). Sitting on the porch, on a sunny day, reading about what they are up to now… it’s nothing short of lovely.

Bite me Stuart Townsend LOL (he was devinely sexy as Lestat in the movie Queen of the Damned).
Bite me Stuart Townsend LOL (he was divinely sexy as Lestat in the movie Queen of the Damned).

4. My dear friend T: I have known her since we were both three years old. We were in nursery school together.  Although we live far apart, and we only talk a couple of times a week, she is nothing short of a sister to me. This week, she told me she loved me. Except for my mother and my grandmother, no other woman has ever told me they loved me before. I told her I loved her too. Isn’t it wonderful when sometimes someone tells you exactly what you need to hear? When she said those words to me, for the briefest moment, I could feel my heart open like the petals of a flower.

I saw this video on YouTube that kind of expresses how amazing it is to let someone you love know what they mean to you (for the both of you).

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5. Surviving: Despite it all, even with this broken heart, I wake up in the morning. I put one foot in front of the other. I’m living and sh*t.  I’m still here. I’m not going to let some ass wipe keep me on me knees.

I'm not there yet, but I promise myself that I will be. What other choice is there.
I’m not there yet, but I promise myself that I will be. What other choice is there?

I am amazed the way this works for me. I really do feel better when I write down what I’m grateful for. What makes you feel grateful?