Things have been very even and quiet. Nothing monumentally exciting since my birthday post. These days, I’m happy to say, that although there are a few bored days, sad days have declined dramatically, which is completely awesome. Is it because I’m not stressing over any guys anymore? I wonder. As usual, I always try to find happiness where it’s available. I try to relish those those things and immerse myself in them as best I can . Here are some things making me happy at the moment…

Untitled
My MacBook Pro. This is my first post written from my very own computer. Although I have yet to get comfortable with all the features, I am loving my new laptop. I was told by a coworker (who used to work at Apple), that what I bought was way too sophisticated for my needs. Whatever dear, whatever. I like knowing that I have the best. It’s a big purchase, so I prefer knowing that by spending extra, I have future proofed my new toy. This little lovely ain’t goin’ nowhere. One of the coolest features is the little strip above the keyboard, the touch bar. Looks the freakin’ business even if I don’t know how to use it too well.

Screen Shot 2018-07-08 at 10.00.24 AM.png
Retail therapy: yeah, so on that note I do love spending a bit of money. When I’m down, my two go to’s are eating and retail therapy. I get that from my mom. Well hey, at least I’m not smoking crack with Satan, eh? I’m just ringing up charges at Anthropologie. They have some super cute stuff fright now. I got these adoreable chinos for work (which I’ve already worn), plus I bought a dress I liked. I’m waiting for it to arrive in the mail. I hope it fits right. Don’t ask me where I’m going to wear it, that’s irrelevant LOL. Originally it was $228 and I got it on sale for about $80. I adore the cute fish print.

Screen Shot 2018-07-08 at 10.05.50 AM.png
Rubios fish tacos: speaking of fish, I positively adore the fried fish tacos at Rubio’s. I’d say I’m becoming a regular. Yeah, it’s a chain, but what can I say, when it’s right, it’s right. The Fish Taco Especial? Sooooooooo right. I love the hot and crispy deep fried shell that surrounds the flaky pollock, I love the coolness of the avocado and the sauces they use. I love it how they make everything on the spot and everything is super fresh. Sure, grilled is healthier, and they do that too, but life is short. This is one of my go to’s when I am in need of a delicious treat meal. AND it’s cheap. These are $2 each on Taco Tuesday (though I usually save this for the weekend). These tacos are so much better than what I’ve had in much pricier restaurants. Get these tacos in your belly if this chain exists in your neck of the woods. These really are amazing!!!

NTT80_G_NE_Original_v2 copy

Nail Envy by OPI: I’ve never been one to really care about my nails. I’ve only gotten a manicure once in my life, and probably wouldn’t bother again. I keep my nails kind of short. I wear contact lenses, so it’s not really conducive for putting them in and taking them out. On occasions when I have tried to grow my nails, I haven’t been successful. They aren’t that strong and usually tear when I’m in the shower. Lately, however, I’ve been trying to focus a bit more on self care, and doing my fingernails and toenails is part of that. And you know what? This stuff actually works! It’s not terribly cheap ($18), but this product is definitely worth it. It gives a bit of shine, and my nails have never been stronger or healthier. I don’t intend to grow them long or paint them any colors (I’m not a fan of that look), but they do look very well groomed and kind of elegant. That makes me happy.

Yesterday I went to see Won’t You Be My Neighbor, a beautiful documentary about Fred Rodgers (aka Mr. Rogers), a man whose footsteps of love will echo into time. What an incredibly beautiful soul.  There is a saying I like, “The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds.” Mr. Rogers was all of those things. His message touched me deeply. I actually cried several times. Despite that,  watching this movie made my heart feel lighter. I was inspired, and I was encouraged by the simple goodness that we all have inside of us. I know we all want to appear all worldly and cool, but if you think of it, isn’t simplicity and love the highest form of sophistication? Isn’t it the paired down, minimalistic truth of what we supposed to be as humans? I think so. I leave you today with my favorite Mr. Rogers quotes. Reading them makes my heart feel giant, happy, and hopeful.

Untitled

IMG_4439

IMG_4435

IMG_4441

IMG_4436

rogers

All is good in the hood. Yeah, I would love a boyfriend and a few million in the bank. Still, things are pretty okay. Sometimes I am suuuuuper bored, and I still suffer with horrible feelings of loneliness (I try to just sit with it, but easier said than done). Overall, however, I’d have to say that life is really alright. Here are some things I’m grateful about at the moment.

Getting my Botox done. It was long overdue. I desperately needed it in order to keep myself looking as serene and peaceful as people who don’t know me too well think I am. People often tell me I exude this aura of peace … little do they know what a total spaz I actually am. It’s my quiet voice and my gentle nature. I think you guys know, however, that under my skin I’m just the slightest bit bat shit.

As I don’t have a love interest in my life, I have been somewhat slack when it comes to maintenance (I love not having to shave!) but gosh, it feels good to get have my face back in order. I been spending just a teensy bit too much lately, so for financial reasons, I held off. Sadly, Botox ain’t cheap- if it was I’d probably tox myself up till I was a waxwork — I really do love the stuff. I realize not all of you will find being poked with a needle and injected with a form of botulism as a form of self care, but for me, it absolutely is.

45333172-0FF8-4DE0-B518-4F19A0DB818C

Right next to where I get my Botox done is a little restaurant that has been on my radar for several months: The Hummus House in Ft Lauderdale. Good hummus makes me terribly happy. Good hummus with nice pita and two fat triangles of baklava … heaven, and so that’s exactly what I had. I loved this little place. Service was fast and friendly, the place was super cute, but most importantly, the flavors and textures were just completely on point. I will definitely be going back.

So … let’s see… what else is good?

Screen Shot 2018-05-27 at 4.33.50 PM.pngRetail therapy… that’s been making me happy. I bought a lovely Tory Burch tunic. It looks so classy and sophisticated. I love the mandarin style collar and the deep slit down the front that makes this top ever so slightly sexy. It was pricy, but it was on sale, so whatevaaaa. I also bought a very over priced maxi dress *shrugs shoulders.* Have I ever mentioned how I love maxi dresses?! They are a woman’s best friend because they allow you to eat tons of food but still look very feminine and pretty. If you see a dazzling woman at the buffet with the flowy dress pushing you aside, that would be me dear *smooches.* Don’t hate.

The movie: I Feel Pretty. I saw it with my mom. It’s certainly not going to win any awards, but it was silly and fun, and it made me laugh. Sometimes that’s all you need, a good laugh, some entertainment, and wonderful company.

Triscuits: they seem to be an acquired taste, I’m not sure why. I fucking love those those things. Triscuits, a few squares of cheese, and I am a happy camper.

I’m making more female friends. You have no idea how much I value that. Us women, we get each other. I love being in the company of kind, smart women. Sometimes I forget, in the midst of all the guy drama I’ve encountered, that having fab women around me is just as important as having a man in my life.

Having Memorial Day off. What is more blissful than waking up on a Monday knowing you don’t have to endure the daily grind? Fucking priceless dollies!

Hope all is well with you, and that despite the daily shit blossoms that irreverently rear their ugly heads, that you are also managing to find the good in the mundane and the fabulous.

Tons of love,
Caroline

Sometimes my mind drifts into places I don’t want it to go. Nothing particularly horrible happened, but my feelings seemed to have taken a bit of a  dive. I’m a teeny bit embarrassed to talk about it after I seemed to make it look like I had found some kind of enlightenment, but I will give you a hint: boys. I don’t really want to talk about it because the more you focus on something, the more power you give it.

skeletor_sulking
I’m skuliking LOL.

I was being so good. I was storing little baubles of happiness in the same way that a squirrel saves nuts for the winter. I was feeling good. But then I had a teeny little hiccup. I slipped and the baubles scattered. It happens. Nobody changes overnight I guess. We have to be kind to ourselves. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all. We are all works in progress.

Many years ago, I think it was on Oprah or Dr Phil, there was a show I watched about weight loss. They were discussing how most of the people who lost weight gained it back. Do you know what makes the difference between successful dieters who keep it off, and those who regain the pounds? Every single one of them suffered from slip ups, even the ones who were considered successful. The difference is, the successful dieters were quicker to get back on when they fell off the wagon.  It’s not a great secret or a magic pill, but this concept can be applied to anything. It is an idea that stuck with me.

The problem is, when you are feeling low, it’s not always so easy to get the happiness momentum flowing again. Your mind isn’t really receptive to happy thoughts when you feel like crap. I need to stop telling myself that I am unloveable, that nobody will ever love me. I need some heavy ammunition.

I took the day off today. I needed it. I ate lots of stuff that was bad for me (did you know that Nordstrom has a little cafe called EBar that does the most divinely flaky  rugelach?– yep, true). I did a little retail therapy — some cute sneakers and a lovely bathrobe (I am such an awesome bargain hunter by the way. It was a dove grey  Eberjay bathrobe. Originally it was $120, but I got it for $40)… it was a no go though. I mean, it was good for while it lasted, but as the evening drew closer, so did the dark feelings.

Aside from eating enough fat and sugar to put myself into a diabetic coma, here are a few things I like to do when I’m feeling a bit low:

  1. I’ve been going for walks. It’s the healthy thing to do. I’m trying to convince myself that I like doing it. I listen to music or some chatter on YouTube. It’s not bad.
  2. I take a scented bath.
  3. I try to fill myself with good, positive thoughts. It’s all about getting myself “in the zone.”
  4. Gratitude: I make it a big deal to appreciate the little things. I think this one is soooooo important. If there is one secret to my success, it would be gratitude. If you don’t already, try keeping a gratitude journal. It has done wonders for me.
  5. Anticipation. Always try to have plans in the works. It gives you something fun to focus on. If you are having a bad day, you can imagine where you will be or what you will be doing in a month from now. Right now I have a goal that by the new year I will have booked my next splendiferous adventure. Hint: copious amounts of food will be involved.

I think I’m going to eat my last Godiva macaroon now. It looks kind of  forlorn and somewhat lonesome.  I bet she is also wondering why no man will ever love her (okay, perhaps I am projecting now). I’ll go back on my diet tomorrow… maybe.

What do you do when you are in a downer?

 

f74a703fb35b7597fb774b34ecdacf3c

Recently I lost something that meant a lot to me. It was something that made me feel hopeful and optimistic. For a time I was waking up with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time, and a greater sense of purpose. I was inspired. I became more productive at work. I also began to take on a more healthier lifestyle. I am sure I will be receiving emails from Nabisco any day now, wondering why there are so many Nutter Butters on the shelf at my local supermarket! Damn, those Nutter Butters are some freaking good cookies! And then one day, it vanished as quickly as it appeared. It felt crap. It made me sad. I cried it out a bit, but I also did something else, which was a little out of character for me: I thanked God for taking it away. Why? That thing that was making me happy, was not necessarily a good thing. It came with some strings that weren’t entirely comfortable for me. It is most definitely a good thing to get out of one’s comfort zone, but it was yet to be determined if my new hopefulness was going to end up effecting me in a positive way, or a destructive one. I have decided to just release any grievances I have on the matter into the Universe. This is a very novel approach for me, but I’ll tell you a secret: it felt good. Perhaps at the age of 40, maybe, just maybe, I am starting to grow up.

Just so you know, I’m keeping my new healthier eating habits (minus the occasional peanut butter cookie LOL), and I am determined to do my best to stay focused on my new job–which is going okay so far, if you consider that I haven’t gotten fired yet ;). I suffered a loss, but it’s not a total loss. I’m taking my consolation prizes, and in the words of my spirit animal, Cartman from South Park:

cartman-screw-you-guys

To ease any residual discomfort I am feeling over the issue, I decided to indulge in a bit of retail therapy. You know, it costs just as much as real therapy, but I actually get goodies. Try it some time dollies. Moi has pre ordered the new iPhone 6S, cause well… f*ck, I deserve it! If I can’t have what I want, I’m damn well going to make sure I go home with a few parting gifts. I can do that, because I am an adult now (or at least that’s what my driver’s license seems to indicate).

85ea8cb8b88b753985536075ef528975

Yeah, so this “grace” thing? I got that sh*t down!